kicking my ass... and my bladder

so i feel like the last week (of this pregnancy) was super long, and im not sure why. maybe because i just said how quickly things were going in my last post? anyway.. so i've decided to abandon my "real to me" pregnancy progress (28w1d) and just stick to the doctor's version, since that's the timeline that will be determining any decisions we make over the course of time. so from now on ill just stick to the dr's timeline, which puts me at 27w4d. i think that i finally decided to abandon the other timeline because (a) its only a few days (b) thats what the doc is saying (c) thats what lovedove wants me to go by. she wants me to go by the later date because that would put us at 38 weeks a few days into January, as opposed to the 38 week mark falling on like the 1st or 2nd. that will hopefully give her enough time to get back to work for at least a few days so its not like she just extends her xmas/new years break (shes a teacher) which they (any higher-ups/admin people) tend to look down on.

baby continues to kick me and get stronger which i love, and i've been watching my belly move around from the outside if she's feeling rambunctious enough to cause some movement on the outside which is awesome and strange. lovedove has been able to feel her more and more while we lay in bed or watch tv, but i haven't really been comfortable enough to have anyone else try to feel. plus i feel like i wind up putting pressure on myself/baby to actually do something when people do have their hand on my belly. stupid i know, but i just feel that way. recently she's begun kicking me in the bladder which is a very interesting sensation. its like, omg i really really have to pee all of a sudden, but it passes within a minute or two.

today was sofia's first group trip with her playgroup. we went to a local farm/petting zoo and before we even left i was spent. she was just being a disagreeable 2 year old, but i was pretty much in tears out of frustration before we even left. add on top of that, that we had to find street parking so that the buses (of school/daycare/etc kids on trips) could fill the parking lot, we had to wait 45 minutes for a guide to pick up our small group, and our guide was pretty bitchy for someone who leads tours for children everyday. sofia had also been up since 7am, refused to nap in the car, and gave me a hard time about absolutely every step of the getting ready process. it was barely enjoyable, which is really sad for me to say, but it was true. i forget that im pretty  much 7 months pregnant and walking around a farm for 2 hours isn't as easy as usual. sofia was so tired that she hardly wanted to pet the animals or get out of her stroller. the day was pretty gray so that didn't really help either. thankfully i had brought my sister along and she was a TREMENDOUS help. especially because pregnant women were not allowed on the hay ride so i was glad sofia go to go on. im sure the other moms from playgroup would have been willing to take her along, but she might have cried. she's kind of a wuss like that, especially when she is tired. it was a super long 2 hours, then i took my sister to lunch, then i had a regular check up. almost needless to say, i was completely exhuasted by the end of all of this, and called out of work. whatever, i hardly ever do and i was only scheduled to have 3 clients today, and the last one at 6:45 i can.not.stand. she's way too crazy for me, i've tried to transfer her to another clinician, but she wants to stick with me. sigh.

i tacked on another 6lbs this month, which brings the total weight gain to 18lbs, not too bad i guess but im wondering how high that number will climb. when my doctor said i had gained 6lbs (just a comment in passing to let me know) i responded with  "yea brownies will do that" and she's like "yea, especially when you know you can't have them". i kind of smiled and nodded, but my brain was thinking, what the fuck are you talking about lady? first of all, there is only a small list of foods/beverages pregnant ladies really can't have, but you dont tell a pregnant lady that she can't or shouldn't eat something like a friggin brownie. second,  i think that doctors forget that diabetics who wear pumps, can pretty much eat whatever the fuck they want and still keep things in check. at least i can, for now, so i'll continue to eat a brownie whenever i choose, even if it is almost every day.

other than today i continue to feel pretty good on a daily basis, just tired as usual. that falling-asleep-as-my-head-hits-the-pillow thing has unfortunately stopped for some time now, and i kind of struggle to fall asleep every night, despite being completely tired. my belly is getting bigger, but i think that the stretch marks haven't quite multiplied yet. i've started putting some body butter type stuff on 2x a day, and if nothing else, it helps to have sofia and lovedove connect some more with the belly (they take turns helping to apply the lotion), plus it keeps to create a stickier surface for the full panel of my maternity jeans to cling to. it really does, its pretty helpful actually.

anyway i hope everyone is feeling good, and i hope everyone is eating brownies wherever you are, pregnant or not! brownies are (part of my) heaven.

movement

im so in love with baby's moving all around. she makes me feel calm when i can feel her, its amazing how calm i feel when she's wiggling around. i'm pretty sure that she knows immediately any time i try to share her with anyone else, because she pretty much refuses to act up in those moments. performance anxiety already?

my parents are starting to act like this is real, which is kind of nice, but frustrating that it took this many months for it to start to be real to them. my dad touched my belly for the first time (probably in my adult life) the other day, it was really brief and sweet. my mom attended the most recent sonogram and didn't seem that impressed, but said she "almost" cried. thanks mom. way to go on being in touch with your emotional side/having health responses to emotional feelings. whatever.

another thing. i was pretty convinced (why i don't know) that since i've been bigger/somewhat overweight my entire life i was not going to get stretch marks. wrong-o. i've already got some on the underside of my belly, supporting my idea that im carrying moderately low. i've decided that ill do my best to lotion up and try to avoid too many of them. i'll take em, but i dont want them. im also scared about how much and how quickly my belly is going to grow. im not too big now, i know i will be by the end. oy.

so thats about it, halfway through a lovely weekend with lovedove, sofia, and disa. football on tv tomorrow, lovedove is going to make sauce so we can have a nice italian dinner with my favorite raviolis tomorrow, maybe pjs all day tomorrow. the weather seems unseasonably warm but we've got our windows open and there is a lovely little breeze.

i'm feeling happy and calm - which seems like a pretty big change from the first few months of this pregnancy. the ticker says 92 days, my brain says 88 to the due date, only time will tell when she'll arrive but im excited to meet her... but not sooner than later. i want her to be as ready as she can be when she makes her debut.

recent incorrect name guesses from mom: tessa, sadie, violet. good tries mom. keep guessing.

18w2d

well i am on vacation but felt like posting bc i didn't want to skip a week in terms of posting and i cant make any guarantees on when ill post again.

pregnancy updates... um... some but not that much. think that i have felt baby girl 2-3 times so far (totally impatiently wishing it was more) but only when i am lying down, super tired, in silence, and in the dark. that's how empty headed i need to be to feel anything at this point. lovedove asked me how it felt, and i think i said it felt like someone had poked a water balloon in my belly, but from the inside. then my brain took over and said... well, thats pretty much exactly what is going on, and i found that funny.

the day after we took our flight out here, i got a minor nose bleed. that was interesting and fine.

and i finally took a bump pic. i wish i could look at it and just think "ok this is what i look like at 18 weeks pregnant" but yet i find myself googling other women's 18w pics and comparing. i need to stop comparing.  i also need to stop holding my stomach in. im still doing it. so the pictures i took are with me consciously making an effort not to hold my belly in. this is the one i like the most so far.

so there it is. me, my humongous boobs (that are still sensitive, hurt frequently, and i suspect are slowly getting bigger.. ugh), the 18 week belly, and big-sister-to-be Sofia in our hotel room. (yes she is sleeping in a pack and play. by the grace of God she hasn't figured out how simple it would be for her to climb out of this, or her crib)

and thats about it. im reading along everyday and hoping everyone is feeling great!

15w1d

like everyone else at 15 weeks, my pre-prego bottoms dont fit. ive had it with bell.a bands so i've given up on them unless there is an outfit i insist on wearing to the point that they are my only option to wear that/those item(s), which does not happen often. i feel like my belly is growing, and i guess it is, but i still feel like im constantly holding my stomach muscles tight(ish) constantly. when i let my belly out completely i think i look pregnant. there is something in my head that is stopping me from just letting my belly relax at all times. i just realized that sitting here, typing with my computer on my lap, im still doing it. i guess i've always been self conscious about my belly anyway as its always been my "problem area" so that is prob the reason behind it. i think that is also the reason behind my refusal to take belly pictures up until this point. i still havent taken any, i feel like i should, i think i might regret not doing it, but i might have too many issues to actually be able to do it until my belly is like, large and clearly very pregnant. there is also a part of my brain that says "dont seem like you're trying too hard to look pregnant, you're not that far along". i told lovedove about that thought, and she was baffled by the thought of trying to look pregnant. it does not make much sense, but thats my weird brain for ya.

the dog. disa has been diagnosed with addison's disease. i had never heard of it until now, if you're interested there is a good deal of info here. long story short, its an adrenal gland issue, which seems to have been the cause of all of our pup's health issues in the last few months. we took her in to the doctor's office on monday bc she was having trouble getting up off of the floor/staying balanced while walking, clearly not typical for her or any other 6 yr old dog. we had a great vet (there are several at our local place) and he listened pretty well to the changes we had observed in her. after blood tests, and an abdominal sonogram, he put the pieces together, and they added up to addison's. more than anything else, we'll be monitoring her every move more closely and shelling out a hell of a lot more money for her care for the rest of her life, but supposedly she can live a long healthy life with this disease. she'll be on oral meds daily (forever), monthly shots (forever), and will need an expensive blood test to evaluate the levels of her dosages 2-4 times per year. overall, im thrilled that we didn't find more cancer, and im glad that the doc thinks that she's got at least another 5-6 years with us. i friggin love this dog, she is our first baby, and truly, blowing through money is a small price to pay to keep her with us. she's an amazing part of our family and i was completely distraught before we knew what was going on. i.love.our.dog. omg. so much. as i type sofia is throwing one of disa's toys at her, trying to get her to play. she has not recovered to the point that shes ready to play yet, i cant wait till they run around this apt together again.

this weekend is my cousin's wedding in philadelphia, followed by our NJ vacation with my parents and some relatives. disa will be staying with my MiL, or rather, my MiL will be staying here, to avoid having to made disa go up and down her stairs repeatedly (our apt is a walk in/1st fl). then on the following monday when im 16w5d, we'll be getting our next sono, and maybe we'll get to see if this baby is a boy or a girl. 3 people have said boy based on nothing but a gut feeling, my guess is girl based on the chinese gender thingie, my cravings for "sweets" rather than spicy (usually im a very spicy person), and my thoughts about our family in the future. i always just picture us with 2 girls. oh, and i had a dream where i gave birth to a baby girl, and no one said she was cute. people could not stop talking about how beautiful sofia was from the moment she was born, she looked like a doll. i was a little disappointed that i had a not so cute baby, but i didnt care. im pretty sure she was healthy. (im going to post my dreams post today, i swear)

im feeling fine, still tired, but fine. i keep getting "you look so good" and my response thought is always "well im pregnant not dealthy ill", but i respond verbally with "thank you". im still kind of worried constantly about baby, i kind of wish i had a doppler. i hope things are fine. my boobs are less troublesome/sore each day, but i think they're getting bigger still. speaking of breasts, my mother asked me the other day (as many other women have lately) if i am going to breastfeed. yes, i am, to which my mother responds with "ew". this then makes me furious and i want to tell her that im a "sick" individual with attention issues and an infertile past, due to her refusal to breastfeed. i dont actually think about blaming her for my health crap ever, until she says garbage about how gross breastfeeding is.

sofia's godmother (lovedove's sister) is visiting this week so we've been spending tons of family time which is lovely. sofia is kind of bratty after a while to both of her aunties, we're still not sure why, its annoying to watch. i dont like when shes bratty. i also feel like shes increasing in her level of spoiled-ness, as that tends to spike when we see family for extended periods of time. between this visit, family vacation #1 with my fam, and family vacation #2 in august with lovedove's fam, im kind of worried about how much de-spoiling we'll need to do after her birthday in the beginning of september. yea, the terrible 2s are officially around the corner.

anyway, thats enough for now, hope everyone is feeling good, and im loving the new belly photos that are popping up on so many of your blogs :o)