day 2 - ivf cycle #1

well, its back to normal today. lovedove went back to work bright and early, and Sofia and i headed to the RE for the routine day 2 bloods and sono so im officially back on the "actively-ttc" train. got the call that im cleared to start my stimulation medications tonight. 3 gona.ls + 1 re.pronex + 1 oral pill that i cant remember the name of right now. same thing for next 2 nights as well, then back into the office thurs am for bloods and sono.

i feel kind of freaked out because for so long this part of my life seemed so far away. my last insemination was in mid january so its been a longggggg break, but i got through it, and now here we are. im finally back in the saddle and im so ready. ready to try, ready to get pregnant, ready to really do this thing right. my mind is just kind of blown because i felt like this day would never come.

i feel like i had so much i want to say but i cant remember any of it right now. anyway, im sure ill sort my thoughts out and be able to post again soon.

here's to all subcutaneous injections (THANK GOD)! please respond well body, please, please. and please do not respond too well that i wind up with ovarian hyperstimulation syndrome.

cant wait to see what a lunatic i turn into as i inject myself daily with shit that is sure to make me even crazier than i already am.

here we go, fingers crossed! (again)

3dpiui

so its super early in the game this cycle. pretty much just beginning my 2ww. feelin normal as usual, trying not to think about having to wait to test. ive also decided that I WILL NOT test before im late for my period. ive tortured myself enough in the past 2 cycles. its really unnecessary. especially last time with the faint positives only to wind up not pregnant.

weird thing happened yesterday. my sugar was out of control. and when i say out of control, i mean even for a person who has loose control over their diabetes. i have no idea what the f was up. i went high after breakfast, egg w salsa and yogurt with pineapple. bolused, walked around brooklyn for a bit. still high, did a crapload of insulin and waited 30  minutes before eating my lunch, nothing. still high as a kite. i was high all day until about 9pm. my highest blood sugar yesterday was 371. i havent been over 250 in about 6 months for even one hour, nevermind several hours over 350. i have no idea wtf happened, but my body just would not breakdown the sugars. i was so insulin resistant for all of those hours and i have no idea why. it was so frustrating. luckily the night was fine, no hypos or hypers. just stayed in healthy range. woke up at 83. hoping i stay in range today.

anyway... happily continuing to read other people's success stories. trying to stay optimistic. i keep telling myself that math is on my side this cycle. at this point ive done 5 iuis so if the success rate is approx 20% then i should be in the running more than usual. (im completely aware that is not the way to apply the 20% success rate to multiple iuis, but i dont care). staying positive and getting on with my days.

wishing i knew of other type 1s tcc. we seem to be such a small subgroup. and as ive already stated, im pretty sure im the only lesbian type 1 diabetic tcc(clearly i know im not actually the only one, it just feels like it). im definitely the only one writing about it. wishing more ladies would start sharing their stories.

ill just keep reading everyone's stories anyway.

my a_s hurts

but only on the right side. that was the side we picked for the hcg (trigger) intramuscular injection. that side got it as a punishment for letting things go wrong with the endometriosis, which caused the blocked right fallopian tube. verall the injection was nearly painless, i almost couldnt believe it. but today, im sure it was done in the right place. my wife was kind enough to give me a kiss before she administered the injection. i think she was more scared that i was. it was a funny ordeal. today i just have some constant but pretty mild soreness.

with that being said, we did our first of two iuis this morning. tomorrow is the next one. really trying to think positive and force fate to coincide with my plans this cycle, but we all know we cant force anything here. with my wife and baby at my side, Gail at Long Island IVF worked her magic again with a speedy insemination. did i mention how much i fell in love with her during our december tries? she did both inseminations and she ran the cold metal speculum under warm water for a few seconds. what a difference!

silly me trying to sit down and type a post while Sofia is up. shes currently emptying her dresser drawers. thank you hunny.

so anyway crossing my fingers and toes that this cycle will be the one. happy friday and happy weekend everyone.

stressed before try #3

you know what they say... 3rd times a charm. (ill have to look up why they say that.) went in for my first morning of bloods and monitoring today, cd 12. took 50 mg clomid days 5-9, same as last time. whats different about this time, is this big long frustrating story.

our insurance has never covered the Ovidrel trigger shot at our local pharmacy. I called my insurance company and asked them which pharmacy i would have to go through in order to have the best chance of them covering it. They told me Freedom Fertility. So I call. The call was great, the woman I spoke to was super nice. Ovidrel, no problem she said. The cost $95 at most, even if the insurance doesn't cover one penny, with FedEx 2 day shipping. Sounds fabulous right? The woman told me if the cost was more than a small copayment, she would call to let me know. Yea, it sounded great. I thought I was getting the shot I am used to (subcutaneous) at a better price, delivered to my door. Nope. Yesterday I finally get the package. When I open my huge FedEx box I'm surprised to see a syringe with a huge needle and 2 vials (which means ill have to mix the sterile water from one vial with the powder in the other and then draw it up into the syringe). Now, lets not forget, I'm an insulin dependent diabetic. I'm not queasy about needles, I have to poke myself multiple times per day despite my CGM and pump requirements a few times per week. So I start reading. The insurance company likes to cover the HCG injection as opposed to Ovidrel. I'm thinking, fine, i have no problem with generics. Then i get to the part where the booklet tells me its an intramuscular injection. This means I'll have to have my wife stab me in the ass with a 2 inch needle. Then i see that my "copayment" was $110. Are you shitting me? My local pharmacy charges me $112. All of this extra step crap, and not what i asked for, to "save" me $2? What a pain in my ass (soon, literally). I'm so pissed. Besides the fact that they never called me to inform me of the higher cost. whatever, thats that. i dont want to think about this anymore.

so now im all nervous because i dont really want to think about what the next step(s) will be if this try is unsuccessful. it seems like the to-do list will be immense in terms of securing more sperm. i just dont even want to think about it. ill just keep reading blogs of people who are/have been successful in their attempts and hope that i get to share my own joy on here soon.

16dpo

Well, here i am at 16 dpo, cd 30, the longest cycle ive ever had, and im not sure where we're at. I had a lot of what i think are false early prego symptoms, which i attributed to the clomid side effects. then on 13dpo i took a first response early pregancy test. i got a faint positive. and when i say faint, i mean faint. so instead of it being a BFP(big fat positive) like i was hoping for, for me it qualitifed as a TFP= tiny faint positive. so unsteadily i got my hopes a little up, hoping that all of the hcg from my ovidrel injection was out of my system and we were really on our way to success. patiently i waited until the next morning (14dpo) to test again. this time i used a cvs brand early pregancy test. again a TFP. in my head i thought, ok, 2 for 2 this is good. later that day i started to spot some, with mild cramping, and i thought, oh shit its over again. (warning: next sentence may contain tmi) well, i've been spotting for the last 2 days nothing bright red, mostly shades of brown, some pink. im well aware that this could be the start of my period. im also aware that im a day late because the clomid can extend the length of your cycle.

my brain has been running around in circles for days about whether i had a chemical pregnancy, categorized as a miscarriage within the first 5 weeks, often identified by faint positives on early pregnancy tests by women ttc, or if the hcg from the trigger shot is still in my system, or if i could actually be pregnant this time around. so i scheduled and went in for a blood test this morning. the rational side of my brain says, no of course not. you're period is just taking longer to actually start due to the clomid. and my heart is saying, just hold on to some hope, everyone's pregnancy is different, some women spot and cramp for weeks.

well, no more wondering. just got the call from my doctor's office. its a no go this cycle. as sad as i am im just glad to have an answer. again.

its just a really hard process for my wife and i. i mean clearly, of course it is.  and i really struggle when i get into my self pity mode when its an unsuccessful cycle. i know there are women who have it wayyyyy worse than i do, and im thankful that my situation isn't as bleak as some other women. but its just hard when i feel like my body is the problem. with the diabetes, and the thyroid condition, and the blocked tube, and the endometriosis. even though everything is well controlled its hard to feel like the problem isnt with me. i know this sperm can get people pregnant, thats how we got our little Sofia. we know these doctors have this down to a science. i just need some luck.

and ill keep waiting on my luck, and our baby, because i know until the right baby is ready for us, there will be no baby.

so guess who'll be drunk this new year... :o/

hoping that 2012 brings a load of health and happiness my way, and everyone else's way too.

see ya 2011, good riddance.

clomid and ovidrel and (iui)s, oh my!

well. today is technically cd 13, but other than that not sure what to call today. i had done my day 10 + 11 bloods and ultrasounds on sat and sunday, and they called early sunday afternoon (while i was tailgating at the Jets game)to tell me i should come in tomorrow morning for my first iui. usually i would be thrilled and just say "yes maam, what time should i be in" however, monday dec 12 was to be a more significant day. i officially finished the adoption of our daugther yesterday. now i am legally her mother absolutely everywhere we will ever go. im so relieved to have this process over with. but you can imagine my panic when they called me. im in the middle of drinking a beer, in a crowded parking lot, with music blaring and people yelling and playing football, and me standing as far as possible from everyone trying to figure out how this was going to work. i asked if i could come in later than the 730-800am window the woman gave me bc our court appearance was scheduled for 9am. she said " no dont worry, just do the ovidrel shot in the evening on the 12th, and come in on the 13th for your first iui". of course this wasnt good enough for me bc i was not familiar with the woman who i was speaking to. i called back and asked to speak with one of the PA's who had done my iui in october and who had done my 2 sonograms over the weekend. she is one of the sweetest, calmest, nicest people i have ever met and she put my worries to rest. so i agreed to the original plan. and with that i grabbed another beer lol.

so this morning, with my mother and my daughter in tow, we headed out to long island ivf. i had brought my mom to just watch the baby while i had my procedure done. i wanted the baby there, kind of for luck, but kind of as a way of having my wife there with me. she was unable to take the day off and i just needed a part of her there. so once the procedure was done and i was giving myself 5 minutes to relax i kind of did just that. i relaxed. i didnt feel sad that my wife wasnt there (although clearly i would prefer her to be there) and i didnt do much of anything. i didnt do much visualization. i did some deep breathing. i thought of how much i am in love with my family as it is right now, and how wonderful it would be to be able to bring another bundle of joy into our lives. and then, honestly, i just imagined myself lying on my back in the grass, in the park, in the middle of a brisk spring time afternoon (just as the light panels above suggested). i felt at peace. i was so much calmer this morning than i was in october. as devastating as a failure would be, im so much less scared of it this time because ive been through it already. sure it would suck, but at least we have more sperm. i've been really working on letting go of any false sense of control that i thought was possible to have in this situation and for now i feel peaceful, which is a huge surprise to me. but im happy to be feeling this way. and im hopeful. and tomorrow i get to go in for a 2nd iui because none of the follicles had burst yet. going back tomorrow will jst remind me of my wife's successful one and only iui attempt bc she was also inseminated twice, in december, just two years ago.

so on we go, on to an alcohol-free holiday season (hopefully, but if not ill know by new years whether or not im in the clear for "some" champagne).

ill keep my fingers crossed and a smile on my face and in my heart, and if its meant to be this time, then its meant to be. and if not, ill just keep on going with my family by my side.

who doesnt love a roller coaster ride once in a while?

the (2nd attempt at what we think is the) beginning of cycle 2

well, we made it to december. today is cd 6, and i began my 5 days of clomid yesterday. ive really been working on letting go of any notion that i have any control in this situation. im just trying to convince my brain, that when our next baby is ready to come to us, then thats when we'll be successful. its just so hard because everything we're doing would usually imply otherwise. we opted to go the doctor route because they do this everyday, so that makes you think you'll be luckier faster, but no matter how well everything goes, there is still the element of luck. they can monitor my bloods and give me as many sonograms as they like, but none of that will change the fact that my luck/or lack there-of will be the deciding factor in how long this process takes.

part of me feels really dumb ranting about how "long" this is taking, bc clearly i've only had one actual attempt at this, but this is something ive been planning, and actively preparing for, since last april. i was finally approved for the cgm and received that in april. my a1c has plummeted since then. I believe when i got the cgm my a1c was 7.1 or 7.2, but clearly i wasnt being that strict with myself at that point. and at first it seemed like such a big deal to be on top of my numbers all the time and work on timing my insulin, but its really not that hard. which is always what everyone says. when you first start its such a chore, but once you're in the habit, you dont even really think about it anymore. so im glad im at that point now. although, (here comes my one rant not related to pre-/pregnancy) i currently use the omnipod insulin pump. the pdm (handheld remote kind of thing) has a freestyle meter integrated into it. freestyle has been working closely with omnipod to develop a new testing strip, and they have, but it has not been fda approved (the strip story). despite the fact that it was not fda approved they started distributing it, and people started using it. myself included. no issues with it, it works just fine if not better than the old strip. ive been using it for, oh id say 3-4 months. all of a sudden its a big deal that it has not been fda approved. so my medical providers were unable to ship my normal supply. the solution: send me a new non integrated meter. fine. im thankful that i have great insurance and my health is taken care of and they make sure i have everything that i need. but now im carrying 3 devices. its a little excessive. im hoping that they get their clearance soon so that i can go back to my normal 2 devices. its just so much to carry with me everywhere i go, and although i do have a little make-up case kind of thing that i've used to organize all of my on-the-go supplies, its still huge. whatever, ive never been a little bag kind of person. its no big deal, just something that took me by surprise. can you imagine how many people used to rely on a freestyle meter and now have to learn something new? i mean, hey, no big deal for the youngins, but the geriatrics, oh boy, they're not going to be happy.

oh, back to pre-preggers ish. so my wife and i have totally noticed how much my mood is affected as soon as i start back in the monitoring process. after some thought, i've realized that i have been looking at our pregnancy situations much too individually. when she got pregnant, we got pregnant. even though it was her body it was our baby. and thats how i need to look at this. because apparently ive been putting up a wall, so much so that its almost visible, because i have so much anger about my medical complications. im hardly even mad about my diabetes, its the cyst stuff, the blocked tube, etc. i know that so many women have it so much tougher, and who knows, i could have it that bad too and we just dont know it yet, but im kind of mad about it. we just have so many obtacles in general. but i totally take my anger out on her and its so apparent that even i can see it now. so im working on that. im working on accepting things are what they are, and managing my anger about my fertility hurdles.

ok, lastly the best news ive gotten in a while. my adoption of our daughter is almost complete after a nearly 2 year process. we got a recommendation for a lawyer from a friend, and decided to use her due to the referral and her prices were a bit more moderate than others we'd known of. long story short, she was not the most professional and did a very poor job with the timing of everything (clearly the process should not take 2 years from start to finish. we had contacted her in feb of 2010 when my wife was only a few months along). shes lucky i didnt have her address, i swear i would have gone to her home and stalked her. she made me furious the whole time. however, we're almost at the end. she emailed yesterday to say that our court date is on monday, dec 12. of course that will be cd 12 and all three of us are required to attend. which means if we're able to do an insemination this month, ill be flying solo. already asked my mom to accompany me to the visit, and to watch the baby (in the waiting area) while it all happens but it will definitely be difficult. but we really have no choice. its just the way her job is. so im trying to just prep myself for that. ill bring pictures and my ipod and get myself in good mood. i know what will be will be and this is just the way it works out this month. no one ever said that this process would be easy or convenient, right?

anyway, i feel better after getting all of this out. and sofia's lullabies and my typing has lulled her off into nappy-land. now if only i can get the dishes done while she's asleep....

is november over yet?

so things have been very uneventful lately. just waiting to get my period so that i can call the doctor and get started on the clomid. its been a very long wait this month. we've been busy, and Thanksgiving was wonderful and entertaining and drunken. our guests were wonderful, Sofia was wonderful, and Disa was wonderful. not much more could have gone right, except for us forgetting to cook and put out the corn (my dad and i love to mix it into my mashed potatoes). a very minor detail, that i dont think anyone noticed.

Sofia has been hysterical and getting even smarter lately. She makes our days exciting and this whole process do-able for me i think. shes not even 15 months old yet, and if we give her something to throw in the garbage, she does it on command. i feel like she understands what we say to her. shes a really good baby, but oh my, is she going to be a tantrum-ie kid. shes very determined and stubborn. when she doesn't get her way, its not pretty. hoping we can find a way to mellow them out before they get too bad as she grows. but truly, shes fabulous.

december is filling up with events already. we have a church event, a gathering of lesbian friends who want to become parents (we're kind of putting on a workshop for them with another set of lesbian parents, sharing our stories and info) a friendly xmas party, a birthday, and xmas already on the calendar. i just want to get my period so we can get started again.

i know ive said it before but this cycle is the cycle that my wife got pregnant when she was successful. so we're kind of hoping that luck is on our side in December the way it was last time. this would keep baby's birthday in the summer time, allowing my wife to have uninterrupted time with baby when he/she arrives. this was the last possible conception date in our original (sept '11-dec '11) "window". that "window" went out the window when we learned how many obstacles I was facing.

so here's to hoping that these next few days go fast, I get my period on time and not late (funny ill be singing a different tune next month), and it starts to feel like xmas soon. a lot of people have their decorations up already, but its so warm out. its like 65 degrees today in ny, wtf?! i need some cold, and i need it to be December to be in the xmas spirit. but we're almost there. but almost doesnt count.

gearing up for cycle #2

the biggest task on my to-do list today is ordering more sperm to be shipped to our fertility place. We only have 4 vials left to be shipped, and the PA recommended that we ship 3 of those 4. We have one left over from the first attempt because we only inseminated on one day, so with the next three, we should have enough for at least the next two attempts. and hopefully one of those attempts will be successful. it kind of stresses me out because i would really like our children to be half siblings biologically. i dont think our donor is "producing" any longer, so if we run out of sperm prior to deciding that we're done adding children to our family, we'd have to find another donor. clearly this wouldnt be the worst thing in the world, God knows theres plenty of sperm out there for purchase, but again it would be something that we did not plan on having to think about. like everyone says... we plan and God laughs. (you can substitute God with Life, Fate, whatever you want if you dont like the G word)

its really difficult for me to balance my hopes of conceiving and my wife's immediate success, with all of the ttc blogs, stories, etc that ive read about how some women try for years. im not going to lie, im pretty intimidated by how grand the scheme of "ttc" can be in terms of time. for me i just feel like i need this to happen like right now. i dont want to have to have my diabetes in such tight control all of the time. dont get me wrong, my a1c is the best its ever been since ive been diagnosed, but im working really hard for that. i feel like ive gotten so strict with myself and staying on top of my cgm readings, timing my insulin boluses, and waiting to eat, im feeling burdened. but what i need to keep telling myself is that its all preparation for whenever the right baby wants to come along to us. im just like, the worst wait-er in the world. i mean im a lot better at delaying gratification than i was when i was younger, clearly ive grown and matured, but i guess i still have quite a ways to go.

off to make a very important phone call and complete the rest of my housewife duties.

5 strikes, im out.

my 5 strikes were the 5 hpt that i was torturing myself with. today is the start of cycle #2 for me, so we're at cycle day 1 again. im not terribly disappointed, clearly i would have loved for this to be a "one shot deal" literally, but come on, how lucky can one lesbian family be. i'm just glad that i finally have my legitimate period. i had been spotting for the last two days, which from what ive read on other blogs and websites is usually the way AF will start, but for some women, they have spotting just before their AF and then wind up preggers. so i was on a very hopeful up and down emotional roller coaster for the last few days.

im totally ok with this. believe me. im just happy to have an answer. so now we move on. the frustrating thing about moving on is its another month of wait and see. wait and see if i have good looking follicles on the correct/left side. if i dont, we're out of the game for this month completely, and we wont know if i stand a chance until cd 12ish im guessing. so for the next 2 weeks im going to consume alcohol, hot dogs, cold cuts, and i am almost seriously debating a tattoo. that last one prob wont happen, but thats the most extreme desire of my fine-if-im-not-pregnant-ill-just-go-out-and-do-all-of-the-things-i-cant-do-while-i-am-pregnant-tantrum.

we have a weekend full of plans again, and i have my co-worker's son's big jewish wedding the following weekend so my life should be fun filled until we get to hopefully try again. and if we cant try until decemeber, well, that means more partying on thanksgiving for me. im hoping that all of this potential splurging doesnt mess with my sugars too much. ill have to keep a close eye on myself lol.

im debating referring to my body as the obstacle course from now on in my general life. im a lesbian so clearly there is an obstacle to fertility there, im only working with one ovary and one functioning fallopian tube, and im a diabetic - so im immediately considered a high risk pregnancy once i am successful. nothin i like more than a good challenge though.

keeping my head up and looking forward from here. whatever will be, will be.

the start of (hopefully) my last non-bio-mom summer

summer can mean a lot of things to a lot of people, and one key thing it means to me is BBQ (and beer). I love to bbq and eat bbq'd foods, particularly sausage (insert lesbian joke here). so of course memorial day comes around to signal the start of summer, and I have to go and eat 3 pieces of sausage in one day. probably didn't do me any favors in the cholesterol dept when I had my blood drawn at my prepregnancy consultation last week. but even with that said, my cholesterol wasn't high enough for concern. the director of the program at the center for diabetes in pregnancy gave me the green light to go ahead and contact the fertility specialist we used to get my wife pregnant with Sofia. so I was pretty thrilled. My A1C that they just did came back with a reading of 6.7. I'll take it. It's not where I want to be, but I've only had the Dexcom CGM for 2 months now, and if i can see that much of a decrease in such a short period of time, I should be able to see some more significant decline by Sept. I'm shooting for at least 6.5, and I would love to be at like 6.1 or 6.2. We'll see. I'm sure that besides being mostly vigilant in my diet, when it comes to the many bbqs ill be attending this summer, I'll be letting myself splurge here and there.

And then there's beer. I always have a hard time keeping myself in range when I drink beer. I also tend to drink more than the average diabetic, which makes it a very cat and mouse game. How am I sure that I drink more than the average diabetic? I just am. You can take my word for it. My diabetes has been a blessing in the alcohol department. It has helped me curb behavior that had the potential to ruin many things in my life. But when I'm drinking beer, I tend to spike pretty quickly and it becomes a very cat-and-mouse-like game. check my sugar, see that I'm high, do some insulin, have a few more beers, same thing, so that im always doing more insulin to bring my bg down, but then I have to be careful before bed so that I dont swing too low. its not a fun game to play, and im glad to say that i play it pretty rarely these days, which is a good change for me. it hasnt been easy, i considered myself a pretty big partier, but im glad that i drink a lot less than i used to.

alcohol consumption brings me right back to the baby making process. i mean i know alcohol does that to a lot of people, but its different for me lol. as ive mentioned i want to be really really secretive about when we start "trying", but one of the things im most worried about is people noticing that I'm not drinking at a social function or something. it would be highly unlikely for me to go to a function that has alcohol, and not consume any. im hoping that they'll all buy my "im just trying to get really good control of my diabetes" story, and i think most of them will. i consider myself a pretty good liar. not the best quality to have, but i lie really rarely. and i think in this case, the ends justifies the means.

so our first appointment with the fertility specialists is on my wife's birthday next month. i hope she's not feeling like im trying to steal her birthday thunder. i'll have to really get working on trying to plan something for her.

on a "daily ramblings" note, we got a bit of somewhat devastating news this week. our almost 6 year old pit mix Disa, had a small surgery to remove some growths a few weeks ago. We got the biopsy results on Wednesday, and one of the growths was a stage 2 mast cell tumor = cancer. the good things, its already out of her body, and it was only stage 2. i of course could see no good in this when i heard the news, and cried for most of the rest of the day, with the exception of the hours that i was at work seeing 5 clients in a row. they were kind and no one told me how shitty i looked. thank you lovely clients. so the next step with the pup is to get her back to the vet soon to get some xrays taken and have some ultrasounds done to see if there are any other tumors in her body that we cant see from the outside. i have lots of hope that she'll still live a long-ish and healthy-ish life, as she's not even fully healed from her big 5 inch incision yet and she's already taking Sofia's toys again and running around the house. she's a big goof ball, and our true "first baby" and we love her so dearly. im trying not to freak out any more until we have a better idea of what we're dealing with. ::sigh::
theres our first baby guarding our second. thats a bed full of love.

so thats about all thats going on for now. oh, one last thing. i went for a decent walk with Sofia and another friend and her little girl today, and my sugar has been fabulous. of course, just more evidence that i need to work more exercise into my daily life. im a little lazy, but i need to start making more decisions for my future and not just for my right now. im working on it, and on that note, im off to softball!

The Learning Curve...

First of all, I have no idea how other moms manage to write blogs on a somewhat consistent and continual basis. I barely have time to do all of my household chores everyday before I have to get ready for work in the afternoon, never mind sitting down for a few minutes to try to think clearly and write a blog.

So the learning curve. I've had the Dexcom 7 for almost 3 weeks now and it really is interesting. It is certainly a tremendous help to know where my BG is at and in what direction it's going. The one thing that I really wasn't expecting was the sensor's "margin of error". It only has to be within 20% of your actual BG to be considered accurate. So if your BG is particularly high, the "margin of error" just gets larger. I really thought that once I had the Dexcom I wouldn't be checking my sugar with fingersticks often at all, but I find myself sticking to my usual routine of checking all day, up to 10 times per day. I just don't trust the CGM to be that accurate. For me its really important to know exactly where my sugar is when I wake up, before meals, after meals, before bed, and any time I think the CGM is lying to me.

One of the most interesting things I've found with the CGM receiver is just to see the wave of my blood sugar. We all know that your blood sugar will go up and down throughout the day, but it is reallllly interesting to see it plotted out all day continuously. The smaller waves are nicer to see, and the mountains and valleys aren't that fun. I've been struggling lately to keep my blood sugar up in a good range in the evenings around bedtime, which is a big change for me. It's really a new thing for me to need a cup of juice and a bite of peanut butter to try to keep my BG in a safe range when I'm trying to fall asleep. I'm not quite sure why this is happening lately, but I'm not ready to just change my pump settings just yet. I want to see if this issue is going to level itself out or not. We'll see.

I've been changing the settings on my pump to tend to some of the daily issues I've been seeing on the CGM receiver, and one major change that I needed to make was to my overnight settings. I found that I'm spiking around 3am, which I would never have known. According to the CGM I've gone up to 250 on some nights around that time and I was really unaware of the fact that this was happening to my body. Although I think the CGM's readings might be a little exaggerated, I've been able to change my settings to the point where I am waking up slightly under 100 in the mornings. I had been having some trouble keeping my BG in that range for my morning reading and it really does help me start my day in a better mood when my BG is where it should be.

Speaking of moods, prior to being diagnosed in March of 2009, I never really knew much about diabetes and how it affects a person's personality, but I feel like I am a prime example of the possible effects. Prior to my CGM, if I tested and my BG and it was unexpectedly high, typically I was in a pretty foul mood. Angry, unpleasant, cranky, etc. I guess we could call that the effect on a person's personality. If I am low, I get very strange. My wife says that she can tell when I'm low just from the way I act. I'm not sure how she would describe it, but I think I get a little intense, irritable, and disoriented. I'm not quite sure what it's like being around an intense disoriented person, but it must be an interesting experience. I don't have any diabetic friends either, so I've never had the experience of witnessing someone else's low.

Anyway, back to the learning curve. I have found that doing a bolus 15-20 minutes prior to eating really helps to keep me from spiking too severely. I know that a lot of diabetics know this as a fact, but it is really difficult for me to put into practice and make a daily habit. So I've been making more of an effort to try to make sure that I start my bolus insulin a good amount of time before I start to eat.

I just feel like there are so many things on this CGM learning curve I've yet to master, and so many more things on my pre-pregnancy checklist that I really need to get into the habit of doing. But one step at a time I guess... yea one step at a time.