yup, im "there"

this week, i must admit, i've officially hit that point. the point where you're tired of being pregnant. i never wanted to admit to myself that i would hit that point, because to me it sounds ungrateful. plus, this pregnancy has been relatively "easy" other than the diabetes management, as i was not in that much physical discomfort until recently. i know that many ladies have a much rougher time, so i'm feeling like a wuss. this pregnancy is what i want(ed) more than anything in this world, and i feel like im wussing out, because i'm only hitting 36 weeks now. this means i still have 3 more weeks until my doctor will think about inducing me, if things continue to go well with my body handling the pregnancy. i mean don't get me wrong, im not a big fan of induction in general, i believe in babies staying put until they're ready to join us, but since they're going to induce me anyway due to my diabetes, i might try to get her to move the date up by a day or two if she's open to that.

lovedove never hit this point. her pregnancy was the most uneventful pregnancy i think ive ever witnessed. i'm not sure if thats because she carried so high, or bc she was off for the summer for about 8 weeks before she delivered so there wasn't too much craziness going on (despite me being unemployed at the time.. story for another time), or if it was just Sofia being an angel in utero. whatever the reason, she never hit this point. it would probably serve me better not to beat myself up about it, really, what good does it do to call yourself a wuss repeatedly? everyone's pregnancy is different right? why compare myself to other people? (bc thats what we do by nature, silly). anyway, i want this baby born sooner than later, as long as its after xmas, and i feel guilty about it.

i've been having a ton of braxton hicks, usually after bending, so of course nothing ever shows up on my non stress tests bc im happily still and relaxing with my feet up in a recliner. i have another one today, christmas eve, and on the 27th. i see my doctor next on the 27th when i'll be almost 37 weeks, so i'm assuming she'll do an internal check to see if i'm dilated at all. not that being dilated means anything, lovedove was dilated 2-3 cm for like 3 weeks before she delivered sofia. speaking of cervical checking, i think the baby is attempting to do her own checks, from the other side. its quite an unpleasant sensation, and i think this is what sofia used to do to lovedove. lovedove lovingly referred to it as "the scritchees". yea, i think i get the name now, and yes, we tend to get creative with our vocab sometimes. tailbone pain continues, mobility seems to be decreasing, super tiredness (surprise). i've been sleeping like crap, but mostly bc i can't get my brain to stop running around in circles. i slept better last night, after only getting 5ish hours a night the two nights prior. i hope sofia sleeps in a little bit when lovedove is off next week. please God. please. just give me to 7:30 and im happy. i'm scared of the little amount of sleep i'll be able to get once the new baby arrives. like really scared, but ill deal, and i'll be very thankful for my blessings.

anyway, today is my last day of full week work. i'm working the day after christmas, and january 1 and 2, and then im calling it quits. i'm really looking forward to the holiday break, as i only have to work one day and lovedove and i, and the extended family, will have loads of time together to do fun family stuff. i would love if baby made her debut while my SiL was still in town so she could meet her while she's in NY. guess we'll see if baby's got any magic tricks in mind or if she's happy where she is.

its finally starting to feel like christmas to me, so happy its just a few days away. i can't wait to see sofia's face when she opens each toy. she loves to play. today she was playing doctor with disa. i managed to catch some of it on video. i love my kids, hope they happily welcome the new one when she arrives.

if i don't post, merry christmas to all!!

i dont know how some ladies do it.

i feel huge already, and i don't think im actually carrying that large. my own mobility/comfort complaints lead me to question how other women do it. what about ladies who aren't built bigger like me? how do they cart around this huge belly on a tiny body? what about women who carry multiples, holy moly, how do they do it with 2 babies in there? my cousin had twins 2 years ago. she carried those 2 to 40 weeks and was literally the size of a house. she needed physical help to get on and off of the couch each time, and now she's back to being the size of a toothpick. women are truly amazing. paft of me feels like a very accomplished pregnant lady, i didn't have many physical complaints until recently, and i was pretty active (lovedove laughs at me when i say that bc she doesn't think its true) but i mean active in terms of taking sofia out on errands, and to playgroup, and story time, and to visit her grandparents during the day, and then i went to work most afternoons. i feel good about that. as lazy as i feel now, and i know i have felt pretty lazy through most of this pregnancy, i still feel like i did a good job in the care i provided to sofia during the majority of this pregnancy. anyway, onto baby things.

at my holiday party for work on weds night, i ate a ton, which led me to feel like a turducken. i felt like i had a full baby belly, inside of my full momma belly, and it made me think of a turducken. not sure if this is a commonly known thing, but if anyone doesn't know what a turducken is, its a deboned chicken, stuffed into a deboned duck, stuffed into a deboned turkey.

baby seems to have alternating days of activity and slower days of rest. i totally love feeling her, and im kind of getting excited that some of her movements are getting uncomfortable to experience. makes me feel like im getting closer and closer to meeting her. i mean i know i actually am, but it still seems like forever away. though yesterday lovedove said to me "amy, if you get induced 2 weeks early, we could have this new baby in a month", and my brain was like no, that wouldn't be until the beginning of january, and then i was like, riiiiiiight. its getting very close now, its hard to believe. this pregnancy has been the fastest thing in the world and the slowest thing in the world, simultaneously. its an incredible phenomenon all around.

at my sono and nst yesterday, baby measured 5lbs5ozs, which im not sure i believe, the pro tech's first guess was 5lbs1oz, but once she plugged the measurements into the computer it said 5-5, but i wouldn't mind a bigger baby. i want some chubby cheeks to squeeze and some rolls on those thighs! i love chubby babies! i know my vagina probably won't agree, but that's such a temporary discomfort, says the lady who has yet to experience a vaginal delivery.

anyway, im totally looking forward to this weekend. we're doing christmas shopping sans sofia later today, and tomorrow we're taking the xmas picture and maybe getting the tree. sunday is the last day of basketball games for the NYCGBL and we're gonna go to watch and show off my belly and see everyone one last time before we've got 2 kids. holy moly. 2 kids. this is going to be very very interesting.

waiting around

so today marks (business) day #3 that i have been waiting for my "overnighted" package from my medical provider. UPS has royally fucked me, and i've spent $70 in the last 4 days acquiring the testing strips i need to adequately care for myself and baby in terms of managing my diabetes. i've spent what is now hours, on the phone with UPS, demanding that they work with me to get these supplies to me. this is not a fucking pair of gloves i ordered online, or someone's gift for xmas, this is essentially my fucking health, in a box. needless to say im absolutely livid, on top of trying to keep an active toddler couped up in the apt without experiencing non stop tantrums, on top of being completely exhausted. and truly, i dont want to hear "its high volume shipping season", i get that, but its not the week before xmas or chanukka (dont think i spelled that right, i know the c is optional, but im not sure about the rest of it.. wait ill check.. according to www.jewfaq.org that spelling is correct lol.. what a great web address) and these are fucking medical supplies for a pregnant lady. come on people, lets do your jobs.

speaking of following up on other people not being able to do their jobs properly, i had to hand deliver a letter from my new insulin supplier to my endo yesterday. they (the admin people at my endo) say they faxed the authorization for my insulin refills on "the 5th", to that i responded "of november, correct?", "yes", well i received this letter in the mail last week. so they agreed to refax the rx. if that doesn't solve the problem i dont know what else i can do to try to facilitate smooth uncomplicated communication between these two service providers.

then i get an email from 1eighthundredpetmeds. we placed an order for disa's medication (the vet and his admin have agreed to let us purchase her meds and administer her shot at home pending we come in for monthly bloods) on saturday, and since then they have not received a response from disa's doctor. after the initial order is placed, they send the rx request to the dr. needless to say, and everyone take one big guess here, i call the vets office and they, everyone together now yell it like you're in a studio audience for a game show...... "didn't receive the fax". called petmeds, they refaxed the request. please please please clear yourself up, issue. i've had it with time sensitive medical shit that is out of my hands. i apologize for this blog becoming so rant-y lately, but it does seem like we've been under a significant amount of unnecessary stress at the hands of others, and this is truly the best place for me to get it out.

ok. enough of that.

nst and sono yesterday, baby went crazy on the non stress test, she was moving all around like a lunatic, kicked me in the ribs for the first time, and got the hiccups while i was still hooked up to the machine towards the end of the test. she didn't sit still for more than 3 or 4 minutes during that period and it totally took me by surprise. she is usually significantly calmer, but i really enjoyed that experience. the sono was fine, got another experienced tech, so i'm thinking that my time with jane the trainee is over. maybe they just let her do the 28-32 week ones bc they need to really start to monitor my fluid levels and baby's growth after that point? who knows, im glad to be done with her. she doesn't even smile when i see her in the waiting room. grump. during the sono yesterday, despite the images not being in 3d, we were able to see baby playing with her nose. it was so cute! she was kind of just pushing it down a few times and i couldnt believe i was watching her do it. the tech was giggling a little and said she was cute with chubby cheeks. my.god.i.cant.wait.to.see.her.in.person.

like i said before i am so tired. like, the most tired i have been through the entire pregnancy. i assume this will only continue, fine by me. do i wish i had more energy and felt more mobile? sure, but im pretty much halfway through the final trimester of pregnancy, im pretty sure what im feeling is completely normal. yesterday i didnt wind up going in to work, only 1 client is coming, so it wasn't really worth getting into work clothes, commuting(though brief), etc. i have work today, our holiday party (so no work) tomorrow, and then thurs and my work week is done. again, not good for bank accounts, but good for resting.

i continue to love feeling baby do more frequent and stronger movements, and yesterday sofia put her hand on my belly and would have felt a kick right smack on her hand if she was able to wrap her brain around the reality connected to the words "baby sissa in momma belly". her vocab is again on some kind of crazy incline, its truly amazing.

amidst all of this craziness, i've been remembering to be thankful for all that we have and keep in mind the relativity of diabetes testing strips not being delivered, as opposed to this being an insulin shipment, or other medication for more life threatening illnesses.

reading along with everyone's stories and loving being connected to all of you ladies through our journeys. i feel blessed to be among such a strong group of determined women. hoping this little one will be strong and determined (later in life, i could do without a second strong willed toddler) too.

finally

got to see baby's face for the first time yesterday. had the good and experienced sono tech meagan from monday, and she remembered that baby didn't cooperate earlier in the week. the first images she saw was baby without her hands in her face and she acted quickly to grab a few shots while she could. i couldn't believe baby was cooperating i was almost in tears. she looks pretty much just like every other baby picture in utero i've ever seen. i immediately sent it to lovedove and the aunties and grandparents. everyone was amazed with finally being able to see her face. everyone was asking if i thought she looked like sofia. i have no idea lol. i was just in complete shock. i felt like i had given up on the hope of getting a glimpse of her face after monday's unsuccessful attempt. some googling monday night lead me to believe that since she's head down already and space is limited down there, that we might not have a good shot at seeing her clearly, but then, surprise! (i'm withholding the pic until after my friend sprinkle which is tomorrow so all of them can see the pics together - though i don't think many of them read this)

sidenote.... i feel like since i posted about this blog on my fb page i've become somewhat of a more concerned/edited blogger. part of me wishes that i could write in a less censored way, even though not much of what i put up here is censored, i definitely feel like there have been some things i would have actually documented on here if i was sure that no one who i actually knew in real life would see this. anyone else feel like this?

back to finally. i got my first leg cramp of my pregnancy last night in my sleep. i only put this in the finally category because i knew it would happen eventually. lovedove really struggled in her pregnancy with leg cramps and got them kind of often, i feel fortunate that i just got my first one, but i hope that it doesn't set off too much of a chain reaction and i get them a ton. i hardly get muscle cramps ever, so im always kind of in disbelief that the muscle thats contracting is so strong. i tried to make my brain control the muscle to relax, when that didn't work i tried to reach my foot with my hand to help the situation - clearly not happening, and then i got out of bed. put all of my weight on my leg and eventually, probably within 30 seconds or so, the muscle gave in, and the cramp ended. i thought it was such an interesting sensation when the pain did subside, it just disappeared. not that i want it to happen again, but i found it slightly intriguing. 

finally, i look pregnant to my favorite teenage client. "miss you really look pregnant now". thanks kiddo. i guess its about time. i continue to get compliments on how well im carrying this pregnancy which is nice to hear, and the other day one of my coworkers who i rarely see said "you look beautiful" i responded with "what??!". my skin has been atrocious. i started to break out minimally before my sprinkle, but it wasn't that bad and i was able to hide most of it with make-up. however it has only continued to get worse since then. i've always struggled with skin issues arising, and not being able to let it be, i kind of usually make the situation worse. its pretty bad at this point, and im wishing this wasn't the case a day before my friend/pin up/bachelor party sprinkle. hopefully make-up will make me appear presentable magically. 

finally, im supposedly receiving my shipment of diabetes testing supplies today. after a month's worth of phone calls back and forth, a lot of bs and wasted time, a lot of lies/inaccurate information, etc, i spoke to someone at my medical supplier yesterday who listened to my story, reviewed my account and phone call history in his system, had a heart, gave a shit, spoke to his supervisor, and got authorization to ship my dec 1st shipment out yesterday. they were going to send it overnight so im praying that i receive it today. it will take a lot of anxiety off of me and ill be able to check my sugars the way i want/need to again. 

baby continues to move around like a crazy person, which i usually enjoy greatly, but its starting to get a little tight in there, so some of her kicks are starting to be uncomfortable. fine by me, as long as she's growing big and strong. my pregnancy emails have started to talk about labor and delivery and i was very interested opening and reading this link "what labor really feels like". needless to say i was comforted by a few of the comments, but nearly petrified by others. i'm pretty set on getting an epidural, even though i feel like a little less of a woman to not even trying to do it naturally, but after being present for sofia's birth, and being in touch with so many moms in real life, i know that its not a failure of any kind. i hate when my mother says "amy, you dont have to be a martyr" thats not the point mom, its just that i know it can be done, millions of women deliver babies without medication for pain every day, and in a world where i didn't have type 1 diabetes, i think i would like to give it a shot, but its probably best for me to just get one and try to be as rested as possible for delivery. whatever, that is still a significantly long time from now, at least it feels that way. 

pics of baby will be posted in the coming days, and maybe some pics from the party tomorrow. we're giving sofia to my parents and i can not wait to sleep in on sunday morning!

oh, the family upstairs just came home with their new born baby girl 2 days ago. the night before last i heard her cries in the middle of the night. its just so strange because my ears are totally unaccustomed to the newborn cry. sofia NEVER cried. it was almost strange. it made me wonder what this baby will be like. i pray she's not a colic-ie baby. however, my prayers that she be born a healthy baby greatly outweigh my prayers for a "good" baby.

anyway, onto the weekend! be well ladies!

[ps we might have changed her middle name again, sofia had some input this time]

trying to get back to normal (kind of an irritated venty rant, you've been warned)

all of this crazy severe nyc weather has made our area turn upside down and for those of us that were not very affected (and those that were), it's been hard to find normalcy again. my work schedule has been turned upside down and i've barely seen any clients in the last 2 weeks. severe weather, the gas shortage, and public transportation disturbances have been the main issues. i've only seen 8 clients and worked 4 days this pay period (usually i see about 4 a night and about 22-26 a pay period). tonight and tomorrow are the last two days in this pay period for me, so im praying for a huge turnout both evenings. as i've mentioned before, i only get paid when clients show up. i could do paperwork for hours, but if my clients dont show up, i dont get paid a dime. needless to say this adds quite a bit of stress to our world, as i had imagined that we'd be able to bank more money on the side for my unpaid maternity leave. whatever, we'll manage.

speaking of financial woes, i've just about had it with disa's vet office. the docp shot, that she needs monthly to be healthy is being given to us at a crazy marked up price. long story short. the drug is called percorten v. wholesale cost of a 4ml vial (in 2009) was $153, which is probably what the vet pays for that size vial, maybe a little more with inflation over the last few years. disa's current dose is 1.9mls, so that vial would have 2 months worth of medicine in it for her. at her injection appt last monday, i was charged $220. i tried to fight it in the moment as we've paid $75 the first 2 times, $130, the 3rd time, and now that. i wasn't going to get all up in arms that day bc i didnt have time or my past receipts. i went back the next day with my other receipts and talked to the bitch who overcharged me. she swore that the other receptionists had undercharged us. possible, but i think people would be losing their jobs if they undercharged a client by $150 twice. i left a message for the owner of the clinic asking to be spoken to about the pricing, and who calls me back? the bitch jen who overcharged us this last time. she's all "i know the medication is expensive, but this is what we charge for a dog that is 68 lbs". um no bitch, you're fucking price gauging, and either you're going to work with me and my family (they've admitted that they only treat about 3{they treat about 10,000 in total} dogs w Addison's disease) and cut a break for the two other families in the neighborhood whose dogs are afflicted with this rare condition, or you're not. we'd love to pay $75, but thats probably the base price w no surcharge for doing the injection, and without any mark up. we'd pay the $130 w no problem. $220? bitch please. show me the math. thats all im asking for is math. show me how you get to $220 when the entire vial (with 2 of disa's monthly doses) costs less than the price you're quoting me for one injection. needless to say im furious and will be trying to see if disa's dr can help us at all with this, or else we're going to have to look elsewhere, which is another headache i dont want to take on. i guess that wasn't long story short. whoops.

other stresses? um how about im almost out of testing strips because my regular endocrinologist doesnt know how to complete paperwork properly and in a timely manner, and im running out of insulin because my insurance company changed some of their providers, and i've been trying to remedy the situation for weeks. today i have to trek to my endo's office to pick up a sample pump and another vial of insulin to hold me over until all of this is resolved. i hate having to do follow up work when its other people's job. just do your job and make sure i have the shit i need. its so stressful. i want this situation to be sorted out already.

baby sprinkle #1 is this saturday. im excited, but a lot of our family guests cant make it bc we're doing it kid free at my mom and dad's apt. its not too large, and we have a ton of little cousins. i dont want any kids around me (to be completely honest, bc im going to be surrounded by our 2 children for the next 18 years, god willing) at my parties, but space was also an issue for my mom. it should be really nice w yummy food. on another grumpy note, my sister asked me what time it starts, when i saw her yesterday. clearly im irritated with that. she's a pretty self centered person in general, which isn't a dig, it kind of just is, but i wish that the party to celebrate my pregnancy, and the upcoming arrival of her second niece was higher up on her list of priorities, that she knew what time it started. ps, she still technically lives at my mom's house, but im pretty sure has not had one second of thought/input contributed to the party planning. that kind of hurts.

speaking of hurting, this week brought some back/lower spinal cord pain, no fun, but only here and there, and it usually goes away by the next morning. my lower pelvic pain continues every other day or so, but i guess its just my body starting to make more room for baby. baby also seems to be head down now so ive been feeling lots more kicks near my lungs which is kind of annoying but cute at the same time.

(i wrote most of this post before 8am... its now 1pm and im just coming back to this)

sofia has been so much of a challenge in the last week. clearly you (if you are us) give a sick kid anything they want when they're sick bc they're so pathetic and miserable and all you want to do is make them happy/see them smile. the down side of that is returning to normalcy with rules, reprecussions, etc. sofia hit me in the face today with a book and it took everything i had not to lose it on her. i kind of just picked her up by her upper arms and grunted at her (i grunt a lot for a human when im mad) then i put her down, and locked myself in the bathroom for 2 minutes and cried. that was probably 10am. i then needed to dress her, ride out to my endo's office (the amazing nursing staff there gave me 3 bottles of huma.log for which im super duper grateful, not what i usually use but im so desperate ill take anything i dont have to pay out of pocket for) and then to sofia's dr for a follow up. sofia behaved for the most part at the dr, doc said she looked good, gave her a lollipop and a sticker. when we got home i let sofia eat said lollipop, with the one stipulation that she remain seated while she ate it. after 2 warnings and 3 attempts to walk around with her lollipop i threw it out, and locked the garbage can (simp.le huma.n items are amazing) and sat down for a minute to rest. realizing she could not open the garbage can, she intentionally peed her pants.

i am so completly overwhelmed with the constant "to do" list that never gets shorter. im starting to feel scared about parenting 2 kids at once and how much of a change that will be. i am so tired all of the time. the only consolation is that my belly is big enough now that people kind of feel bad for me when they see me in difficult situations. nice people are holding doors open for us (sofia and i), the nurses were extra nice to me today, etc.

all i want to do is nap but i still need to call disa's doctor, go to post office, and find out what the hell sofia is doing in her room instead of what she should/is supposed to be doing, napping.

i want nap time for us both right now.

28w and a frankenstorm

we live in nyc, and currently they're pretty  much shutting down the city in preparation of this frankenstorm. its a combo of hurricane sandy, and some cold front coming across the north east. we're not big freaker-outers when it comes to storms, we're never the lets-go-clear-the-water-isle and stock-up-on-canned-goods people. however, when they shut down the entire mta (all busses and trains) AND close the schools, which never happens, AND shut down the stock market, i kind of start to get a little nervous. luckily we don't live near any water, doesnt seem like there would be any reason that we'd need to evacuate, and i think we have everything we might need for a few days.

im super thankful that all of my diabetes devices pretty much run on batteries and i have a bunch of insulin on hand. im also thankful that im not further along in my pregnancy as id be pretty nervous. the couple that moved in a few weeks ago (directly above us) are 35 weeks pregnant. im glad thats not the boat we're in. we did do a (regularly scheduled) grocery shopping so we've got plenty of food in the house. im pretty interested in how this all winds up. if/when will our power go out? for how long? will the old nyc pipes be able to handle all of the water that might potentially come down? do i need to worry about our crappy windows? real ny-ers are not accustomed to hurricanes. all of this and the pretty much constant news coverage just leaves lovedove and i feeling pretty anxious about the unknown.

baby can totally tell that a storm is brewing, she's been really active today which is nice. i could even tell how much she was jumping around when we were out and about this morning. we made sure to hit up the county fall festival and we made sure to get Sofia there so that she could be out in her costume since the weather on wednesday seems questionable. we had a really nice time and im really glad that we went. it was at the same place we went to on the trip last week, but it was a much more enjoyable experience without the busloads of children.

oh and today (i think) marks the official start of my third trimester. that sounds wild, and im very thankful for that as well. ticker says 84 days, and i doubt that my doctor would let me go over, so we're certainly getting there. i wanna know what this baby looks like!

anyway, wondering what the near future holds. hoping this crazy weather doesnt screw up my scheduled sonogram (where i intend to beg for a 4d shot to get a glimpse of this child's face) and non-stress test scheduled for wednesday. its my first non-stress test, anyone wanna fill me in on what i can expect?

with that said, hoping you are all safe at home, in better weather than we're expecting, and feeling good.

guess what im making to add to the available snacks tonight.. ill give you one guess.... yup!








BROWNIES!!! muahahahahahahahaha

26w/25w3d

first of all, baby was jumping around like CRAZY last night when lovedove and i headed to bed. we were just laying in bed talking and i was laying on my right side and she was beating the crap out of the left side of my belly. i couldn't stop smiling and lovedove got to feel some of the best kicks/punches/etc i've had so far. it was so much fun, she was a little crazy person for like 2 or 3 minutes, it was great.

im starting to think about if i want pregnancy photos. i have a few creative friends with cameras who im sure would love to help out with something like that if i decided i wanted to do it, but im always very torn about how i feel about the designs/poses and what i would actually want for our family if we did do a little photo shoot. sometimes i feel like some maternity photos are too sexy, but i like the silhouette ones sometimes. i have no idea what i'd want, however... i do know what i wouldn't want. completely hysterical to me, wishing good luck to those kids in dealing with their interesting parents as they age.

had another sonogram today. love to see the little one in there doing well. had a newbie doing the sono though. i love the really experienced ones who know how to get great shots of baby for the take home pics, the one i had today, not so much. i know everyone has to start somewhere, but i totally have my fave sono techs. pics were ok though. i appreciate them regardless of quality will get one on here before i finish this post. my dr was there to review the images and said that baby "looks great, not too big, not too small. absolutely average". thats right kiddo, you stay right there in the middle. doc said she's almost 2 lbs now, right amount of fluid around her. my next appt with my dr is in 2 weeks, and my next sono is in 3 weeks on halloween morning. amazingly i have zero dr appts next week, cant even remember the last time that happened and im pretty happy about it. will schedule a playdate with a cousin and hopefully be able to run some errands. dare i put vacuuming on the list for next week?

here's one of the 4 pics she gave me. not sure if there is a best one. they are kind of scary halloweenie and make baby look like she has crazy vampire teeth or something.

congrats to the two mommies at Lezbemoms and welcome Paxton!

6 months

according to me, im 24w2d today. i feel like things are really starting to hit me. my belly is getting more obviously noticeable as a prego belly, a few people have told me that i've popped lately, and i can feel baby like crazy. its awesome, i love it, and it is kind of strange at the same time. in the last week i've had some pressure in my lower abdomen, some pain in my pubic bone, and some round ligament pain. not very comfortable, but usually it goes away even though it is often prolonged. i'm definitely starting to waddle a little. i'm also starting to realize that i cant run myself ragged all day before i have to head off to work at 4pm. these last few days i've been on the go in a non stop way, and im getting to work and wishing all of my clients would cancel so that i would be able to put my head on my desk and sleep. clearly i dont actually want that to happen because then my paycheck would be a whopping $0, but sometimes its very difficult to stay awake engaged (on a serious note i've never even come close to falling asleep on any client lol).

things that make me feel like a moron lately: my brain doesnt work, and i'm always so amazed at how pregnancy feels. let me start by elaborating on times when my brain doesn't work. i tried to spell the word brownies to lovedove the other day because i didn't want Sofia to know that i was planning on making them and i left out the W. i referred to my first trimester as my first semester. i've had more "duh" moments than i can recall. maybe memory loss should be added to the my-brain-doesnt-work category.

moving on to being amazed at how pregnancy feels. its really really interesting. i have had an obsession with prego bellies in the past and was all over lovedove's during her pregnancy, but i only thought about what it felt like from the outside. i never thought about what it would feel like when baby is moving around/kicking inside of your body. i'm amazed at how strong the kicks are getting (for only being 6 months) and that its not like little pokes anymore. i'm definitely beginning to be able to feel some of her stronger movements from the outside if my hand is on my belly, which leads me to believe that its probably almost time to start to let people try to feel her movements. i'm kind of having mixed feelings about that. my mom has already tried to feel baby and that just made me feel awkward. i also remember waiting and waiting and waiting for the little one to kick when i would try to feel sofia, so i think im kind of making my own standards for belly sharing kind of high. i want her to be kicking hard enough/moving around drastically enough that people will get a guaranteed feel and she has to be in the right spot so that no ones hands are too low on my belly. i also feel a little awkward about people touching my belly bc its always been my chubbiest body area, and there is still a moderate layer of chub on the belly which probably muffles baby's movements to outside hands. whatever i need to get over it and just enjoy. if i had a dollar for everytime i said that....

a friend asked what pregnancy felt like the other day. i pointed to one of sofia's soccer sized outside play balls, and told her that ball, in my belly, filled with jell-o pudding with a mini baby inside. speaking of pudding, im all about sweets. i couldn't care less about spicy. just give me sugar. as a result i've gained 12 lbs already. im going to need to get a little more active because i dont really want to gain more than like 20lbs in total. i guess i could stretch it to 25 and i'd be ok, but im bigger to begin with so i dont think im supposed to put on any more than that. speaking of weight, i feel like i have no idea what my body used to look like. the change has been so gradual, i don't really notice from day to day, but im certainly bigger every week. though i did see some guy friends at a birthday party on saturday that told me how great i looked and that i "didnt even look pregnant". i think some people associate "looking pregnant" with looking like crap, why is that?

anyway its almost breakfast time. im going to do my best to post the pictures i "owe" this weekend i feel like that is on my to-do list and i'd like to scratch it off.

happy (almost the) weekend ladies.