no news is good news

well, i've got no news of my own to report really, but i'll get to me later.

a week ago i posted about being "there" early on in the day. it was a normal thursday. lovedove came home from work at the regular time, i went to work, blah blah regular thursday. then im in my first session and my phone rings and my receptionist tells me that lovedove is on line 3. WTF. she never calls me at work, so i know something is up. she's crying and scared and tells me that her mom had a chest xray and they found a spot on her lung. fast forward one week to today. we now know that lovedove's mom has stage 4 lung cancer, and it has spread to other parts of her body. she's currently undergoing testing and getting good care to try to figure out exactly what we're dealing with, and how we can best combat it. needless to say, it was not the merriest christmas. Sofia's christmas was great, she saw her cousins at christmas eve and santa came to visit the cousin's at Gma's christmas eve celebration (the most painstaking holiday celebration of my life, as we found out the stage of the cancer earlier that day), and left her great presents on christmas morning, but i think she can tell that something is off with everyone.

i can not believe that this is my real life right now, none of us can. we're just trying to take things one day at a time bc thinking into the future at all is scary and useless because all we know we have is right now. hell, she's a fighter maybe we've got another 40-50 yrs with her, but there's nothing in this world that guarantees me that i wont get hit by a bus tomorrow, you know? so this is my news, and as a family we're just trying to hold on to each other and figure out the best way to hold our shit together and be strong for each other.

this situation has created a weird emotional space for me. i'm really excited to be getting very close to meeting our next little baby, but a part of me feels:
(a) worried that the joy of this baby being born will be muddled with sadness
(b) guilty that i have such a happy event coming up and my MiL has the fight of her life coming up
(c) bad for lovedove that she is facing all of this at one time
(d) selfish that at times when im doing what needs to be done to help (staying with sofia, doing extra cleaning up, whatever etc) im think.. shit isn't this supposed to be the happy and easy part of my pregnancy?
(e) sooooooooooo scared.
so yea, im not feeling great emotionally, its a really rough place to be. my MiL is truly one of the unique and caring people i've encountered in my life, and she has loved me since the day i entered her home for the first time, and i know that because i've felt it every second. anyway, we're going to fight this, thats that.

updates on me and baby. my official dr date is 36w5d (i still think im 37w2d) and i want this baby to arrive. i hate the pain im in when im rolling over in bed at night, and the pelvic pain sucks on the days i have it. i had my doctor check me yesterday just bc i was curious, she said she got "one fingertip in there" and im "exactly where i should be". she doesn't seem to think i'll go early, but i have had a few contractions that i believe are semi real, but not very painful at all. tons of braxton hicks. tons of fatigue. not sleeping that well lately. grateful to be this far along in a very uneventful and healthy pregnancy. eye appt today to make sure there isn't any bleeding in the back of my eye from the betes + pregnancy. got this picture of chipmunk cheeks yesterday. makes me really happy and anxious to meet her.

un/believable

27 days until my induction date.
6 more work days, broken up, last day isn't until 1/3 but still.
4 more weekends.
less than 1 month.

its unbelievable (to me) and completely believable simultaneously. i feel like this is such an odd point in my life. i'm almost "over" being pregnant, and i never really wanted to get there, but in addition to my impatience, im more and more uncomfortable day by day, with new (temporary - thank God) pains every day. lately i'm struggling with tailbone pain (which is the spine pain i keep mentioning, not sure why i didn't remember that the word tailbone existed). i'm starting to run low on tight shirts that fit my belly, since about half of the maternity clothes we have are shrinking due to this being their 2nd round of use. this means i'll have to turn to the more tenty, feminine shirts that will just billow out over my growing belly. i'm not the girliest girl by any means so im often hesitant to jump into the items i bought for lovedove when she was prego. i feel huge which is a good and bad thing. i like being obviously pregnant, but its rough. my belly now points in the direction of my last step which is think is hysterical. im tired (understatement). she's getting big and heavy and higher so she messes with my lungs sometimes. i hit my belly into everything. im super clumsy. i'm slower than in my prepregnancy days, and i have been known to move pret-ty slow at times. pregnant lesbian "problems", i know, shut up amy.

also unbelievable. the ny jets. they're fucking terrible and i still watch them lose painfully almost every week.

unbelievable to me that i'll go to 39 weeks. i don't think this baby is staying in here that long, again, not sure why i feel that way, it may just be wishful thinking. i keep saying i'll take her any time after christmas. not too early little lady, please, but i wouldn't mind if you made your debut before the 13th.

we did a lot of prep for baby this weekend. set up the cosleeper, minus attaching it to the bed, did the new baby laundry, got the infant car seat and bases out, made photo copies of important docs for the hospital (copy of our marriage license, health care proxy, etc). today i bought a pair of slippers for the hospital and my mom gave me a new pair of very soft pajamas for the hospital. lovedove has been urging me to let us go on a tiny shopping trip to look for pjs/comfy clothes that will be easy for me to breastfeed in. i've not been the most receptive to her advice, which is bitchy, but i think i was just being defensive and not wanting to be told how to do something, bc it will be my own learning experience. i apologized for that today and lovedove expressed that it just feels like im pushing her away when i do that. she's just trying to help me. i need to just accept her help and stop being.. whatever im being. i also think lovedove is a little anxious to be on the other end of this. i almost think its more nerve wracking to be the non pregnant one when it comes down to the countdown for, and the big day itself.

so lovedove doesn't feel well, im praying she doesn't get sick/er than she felt today. sofia also seems to be battling something lately, but we think its just 2 yr molar/teething stuff.. hard to tell though. the weather has been ridiculous, its been 60 degrees more than once this month. its december. that doesn't make sense. i think its messing with everyone's ability to stay healthy.

today is monday, so i was back at my regular appt for a nst and sono. back in the recliner, no prob with baby's movements, she was jumping around a lot. my dr happened to be around, took a look at my heart monitor strip, said "beautiful baby" based on the record. sono was also fine with the doctor reviewing the images calling her perfect. i'm glad she looks so good on paper, i hope she comes out as perfectly healthy as she seems. its almost unbelievable to me that my pregnancy has been so issue-less, im so thankful though. i cant wait to get the estimate of what she weighs this week on thurs.

and finally the most unbelievable of all. friday's massacre of 20 1st graders and 6 school staff in a small town in connecticut about 90 minutes from here. it was beyond difficult to hear about, i tried to shield myself from the details at first. then, like everyone else, we were glued to our tv's trying to learn details and make some kind of sense out of an unfathomable act. then their names emerged, then their pictures. its absolutely heart wrenching. i can not imagine the pain of being any closer than 90 minutes away and being completely unconnected to the victims. my wife is a teacher. i'd like to work in a school one day. my daughters will be in a first grade classroom one day. all i can do is shake my head and sigh. its so scary.

we need more gun control. we need more access to mental health services for those in need. we need so much change. what we don't need is more angels.

34w1d

today's nst and sono were fine as usual. thank goodness, i cant imagine if a doctor actually wanted to speak with me at the end of my visit. half of the time the doctors don't even see me personally, they just send the tech back to tell me everything is fine. my mom was all "if everything is fine, why do you have to go so often"... "because im a diabetic Mom, and if theres an issue they want to know about it right away"... makes sense no? oh mom. oh so i was going to say that my blood pressure has been really good during this pregnancy so at this point i don't really have any worries about pre-eclampsia. i think my highest reading was 120/80 and that was on the day i had to pick up the rental when my car got hit for the 2nd time. since then its been pretty steady at or just under 110/70. 

did i ever mention the non stress test lady Gina? her name is pronounced gee(like the gee sound in geese)-na,  so at first when i would go in for my appts, i always wanted to call her GIna, bc i knew her name was spelled regularly, but pronounced differently, and of course my brain prounounces it GIna (like va-GI-na) and every time i had to work really hard to make sure it didn't come out of my mouth like that. thankfully im used to it now. anyway, Gina has been kind of absent minded lately. last thurs she hooked me up to the monitor and forgot to give me the little clicker thing (like a jeopardy buzz-er in-er) that i have to push when i feel baby move. when she left the room i asked one of the other attending techs to give it to me so she wouldnt feel bad that she forgot. then today she forgot to take my blood pressure, which i dont care about because im sure its fine, but after she had hooked me up to the monitor, she forgot to push my curtain back so that i could watch tv. so when she left i used my foot to pull the curtain back and i happily watched a small portion of the view. come on Gina get with it! lol. they're all very nice women, im not actually irritated by any of this, i just thought it was funny and that i'd share.

in other funny news, saturday was the first day that lovedove and i had done any extended walking, and she commented on my waddling. i've asked her not to comment again as the pelvic pressure/pain i have every few days is no fun, and on those days i feel pressure with every step i take. but i was kind of amused that she  commented on my waddling, but also a little sensitive about it. 

um, so thats about it. i have a lunch date with a long time friend tomorrow who (now) lives in Spain so i'm wondering what kind of comments she'll have about my size, waddling, etc, but im really looking forward to it. 

here's two pics from the weekend that make me smile, so maybe they'll make you smile too. 

what a huge success!

my sprinkle/pin up party was yesterday and my goodness, i still can't stop smiling. we had such a great time, it was more than i could have imagined it would be. everyone who was there made me feel super special in their own way. from home made decorations, to delicious food and dessert, to wonderful gifts, i felt and still feel so blessed! i still cant stop smiling. here are are the sono pics and some pics from the party

totally different angle
but i think they have
similar eyes. cant wait to see
these sisters together!

she finally showed us her little face! we think she resembles her sister. check out Sofia's 3d sono!

looking huge but i guess thats 33 week territory

pin up decorations with my interests highlighted!

our apt looks huge here, it's not lol
(there's Danna from the barbershop on the left)

disa pin up style

me and lovedove... aka momma and mommy <3

the "guess the size of my belly" game.
the previously pregnant moms at the party
estimated the belly to be significantly larger
than those who haven't been preggers before. we both fit into this guess! 

these friends and cousins had the two closest guesses!

lovedove and i with some gifts, matching outfits for the girls!

my ring ding cake! (actually little debbie's because no one could find ring dings anywhere!)
delicious!

diaper cake

we're set with diapers for a while! 

 as you can see we had a fantastic time! we had our hair done by Danna from Beale Street Barber Shop, who happened to be a friend of one of the guests. we couldn't be happier as our hair-dos truly made the party a huge success!

parties are all done, now it's onto the holidays. hoping this baby stays put and grows big and strong until she is ready to make her debut!

finally

got to see baby's face for the first time yesterday. had the good and experienced sono tech meagan from monday, and she remembered that baby didn't cooperate earlier in the week. the first images she saw was baby without her hands in her face and she acted quickly to grab a few shots while she could. i couldn't believe baby was cooperating i was almost in tears. she looks pretty much just like every other baby picture in utero i've ever seen. i immediately sent it to lovedove and the aunties and grandparents. everyone was amazed with finally being able to see her face. everyone was asking if i thought she looked like sofia. i have no idea lol. i was just in complete shock. i felt like i had given up on the hope of getting a glimpse of her face after monday's unsuccessful attempt. some googling monday night lead me to believe that since she's head down already and space is limited down there, that we might not have a good shot at seeing her clearly, but then, surprise! (i'm withholding the pic until after my friend sprinkle which is tomorrow so all of them can see the pics together - though i don't think many of them read this)

sidenote.... i feel like since i posted about this blog on my fb page i've become somewhat of a more concerned/edited blogger. part of me wishes that i could write in a less censored way, even though not much of what i put up here is censored, i definitely feel like there have been some things i would have actually documented on here if i was sure that no one who i actually knew in real life would see this. anyone else feel like this?

back to finally. i got my first leg cramp of my pregnancy last night in my sleep. i only put this in the finally category because i knew it would happen eventually. lovedove really struggled in her pregnancy with leg cramps and got them kind of often, i feel fortunate that i just got my first one, but i hope that it doesn't set off too much of a chain reaction and i get them a ton. i hardly get muscle cramps ever, so im always kind of in disbelief that the muscle thats contracting is so strong. i tried to make my brain control the muscle to relax, when that didn't work i tried to reach my foot with my hand to help the situation - clearly not happening, and then i got out of bed. put all of my weight on my leg and eventually, probably within 30 seconds or so, the muscle gave in, and the cramp ended. i thought it was such an interesting sensation when the pain did subside, it just disappeared. not that i want it to happen again, but i found it slightly intriguing. 

finally, i look pregnant to my favorite teenage client. "miss you really look pregnant now". thanks kiddo. i guess its about time. i continue to get compliments on how well im carrying this pregnancy which is nice to hear, and the other day one of my coworkers who i rarely see said "you look beautiful" i responded with "what??!". my skin has been atrocious. i started to break out minimally before my sprinkle, but it wasn't that bad and i was able to hide most of it with make-up. however it has only continued to get worse since then. i've always struggled with skin issues arising, and not being able to let it be, i kind of usually make the situation worse. its pretty bad at this point, and im wishing this wasn't the case a day before my friend/pin up/bachelor party sprinkle. hopefully make-up will make me appear presentable magically. 

finally, im supposedly receiving my shipment of diabetes testing supplies today. after a month's worth of phone calls back and forth, a lot of bs and wasted time, a lot of lies/inaccurate information, etc, i spoke to someone at my medical supplier yesterday who listened to my story, reviewed my account and phone call history in his system, had a heart, gave a shit, spoke to his supervisor, and got authorization to ship my dec 1st shipment out yesterday. they were going to send it overnight so im praying that i receive it today. it will take a lot of anxiety off of me and ill be able to check my sugars the way i want/need to again. 

baby continues to move around like a crazy person, which i usually enjoy greatly, but its starting to get a little tight in there, so some of her kicks are starting to be uncomfortable. fine by me, as long as she's growing big and strong. my pregnancy emails have started to talk about labor and delivery and i was very interested opening and reading this link "what labor really feels like". needless to say i was comforted by a few of the comments, but nearly petrified by others. i'm pretty set on getting an epidural, even though i feel like a little less of a woman to not even trying to do it naturally, but after being present for sofia's birth, and being in touch with so many moms in real life, i know that its not a failure of any kind. i hate when my mother says "amy, you dont have to be a martyr" thats not the point mom, its just that i know it can be done, millions of women deliver babies without medication for pain every day, and in a world where i didn't have type 1 diabetes, i think i would like to give it a shot, but its probably best for me to just get one and try to be as rested as possible for delivery. whatever, that is still a significantly long time from now, at least it feels that way. 

pics of baby will be posted in the coming days, and maybe some pics from the party tomorrow. we're giving sofia to my parents and i can not wait to sleep in on sunday morning!

oh, the family upstairs just came home with their new born baby girl 2 days ago. the night before last i heard her cries in the middle of the night. its just so strange because my ears are totally unaccustomed to the newborn cry. sofia NEVER cried. it was almost strange. it made me wonder what this baby will be like. i pray she's not a colic-ie baby. however, my prayers that she be born a healthy baby greatly outweigh my prayers for a "good" baby.

anyway, onto the weekend! be well ladies!

[ps we might have changed her middle name again, sofia had some input this time]

freshie

this was my nickname as a toddler, along with sand monster, and "nickyface" (i look just like my dad and always have). little blueberry growing inside of me is also a freshie, stubborn little miss, but like my grandma says in her brooklyn italian/sicilian accent "better to be fresh than stale".

i sat in the waiting room for my nst and sono appt today and saw good ol' jane. i waited for her to grab my chart and call me in, but she didn't. i was taken to the other side of the office, the side where all of the "good" (3d/4d capable) sono machines are. i had an experienced sonogram tech and politely begged for her to try to get a face shot of the babe after she had what she needed. she kindly obliged and tried for a few minutes to get me the picture(s) i've been drooling for. however, it was not to be, at least not today. she said baby had both of her hands in front of her face, and each time she tried to grab a good pic, she wasn't able to. i totally couldn't see anything the few times she tried to clear up the 3d/4d picture. she had me flip a few times, but baby would not take her hands away from her mouth.

oh well, today was not the day for that, but even if i don't get a good picture of her while she's in utero, i'll just be super happy when she arrives and i get to see her face. maybe she wants to surprise us?? who knows, silly little girl.

today's report was the same as it tends to be lately, "everything looks good, you can head home". blood pressure continues to be just slightly under 110/70 so i'm very happy with that. hoping we can keep it down throughout. sugar control is still good, but its getting a little harder each day. supposedly your insulin needs tend to level off around 34 weeks, im curious to see if i fall into that.

my mom took sof to her playgroup today and said all went well. im relieved bc playgroup is going to fall on her for the next bunch of weeks due to the sonos. working on only allowing my anxiety to get the best of me in terms of things i can control, bc right now im starting to have a bit of anxiety over how i'll handle 2 kids on my own for the first few weeks. don't know why im worrying about that now, when we have much larger hurdles to hop before we get there.

almost 31w

sooooooo, tomorrow is sprinkle #1 of 2. i totally can't believe it. it truly is the strangest thing how slow the days seem to go, but then all of a sudden you've got less than 65 days (absolute tops) left in your pregnancy. thats. fucking. crazy.

i'm happy that i'll be seeing family and friends tomorrow, but there will be quite a few people absent that i wish could be there. i intend to have a spritzer, maybe 2 if i feel crazy, but i always find it difficult to actually drink an alcoholic drink, as much as i want to.

um, what else? i keep having these here and there nights where i wake up in the middle of the night, usually due to my cgm telling me that my sugar is too low, and then i have a really hard time going back to sleep after i get up to eat/drink something to raise my sugar. last night i was up from 2-4am. i'd say this has been happening probably once a week, but its not too bad, im just even more tired the following day.

today we met with the nurse who works with the diabetic mommies to be/mommies at the hospital. it was our first time in the hospital and it was so tiny compared to the hospital that lovedove delivered at, it felt like we had driven to a tiny hospital in the country/upstate/out of ny. she gave us a super mini tour of the labor and delivery area and im not ogin to lie, i totally got a little freaked out when i saw the bed in the room because i remembered how it breaks down when you're going to deliver and stuff. it was really some kind of trip for the both of us i think. we heard a newborn baby cry from one of the occupied rooms, who was probably a few hours old, or maybe even a day or two, and i thought, omg, we're going to have a little person that makes those sounds very soon. sofia hardly ever cried, she was such a good baby. i just cant wait to meet this little one (clearly i want her to stay in there until she's fully baked) but im so excited.

i've lovingly begun to refer to her as
schnozola, but only ocassionally lol

my nonstress test and sono went just fine yesterday. baby was moving around a lot, kicked the monitors a few times, the nurses are always happy with her heart rate, and that comforts me. my blood pressure has been very good and my sugars have been good too since im adjusting my insulin rates so often. im so glad and thankful to be receiving such wonderful and comprehensive care. the downside of being one of their most frequent clients is that they keep letting jane, the-im-new-at-sonography-so-i-totally-blow-at-this-and-so-do-your-take-home-pics-champion, do my sonograms. i sound like an asshole with these complaints because i get to hear her heart beat and see her weekly, and soon ill be hearing and seeing her twice a week, but .. well no buts. i guess its an asshole complaint.however, im still dying for a 3d/4d sono, i want to get an idea of what her little face looks like! im pretty sure this baby's got a big nose. this is the pic from last week, when i had the pro with 15 years of experience. her hand is usually by her mouth, im assuming she's a thumb sucker like i was. hoping we can convince her to take a binky instead when she comes out.

hoping tomorrow goes smoothly. oh also. we no longer have to meet with the adoption social worker pre-baby, only once she's here. so as much as that might delay the process a little bit, i'm fine with it. having one less home visit might save us some money too. speaking of money, my paycheck wound up decent, not good but enough to pay my monthly payment on my big student loan which is good. thank you clients for showing up. also in good money news, we got checks for the second accident, one refunding the deductible, and the other refunding the rental fee. i was overjoyed to get those. thank you god, and thank you insurance people for doing your jobs well.

looking forward to tomorrow, then its thanksgiving, then its december, my second sprinkle, time for sister-in-law's holiday visit/christmas, new years, and baby time. what?!?! craziness.

26w/25w3d

first of all, baby was jumping around like CRAZY last night when lovedove and i headed to bed. we were just laying in bed talking and i was laying on my right side and she was beating the crap out of the left side of my belly. i couldn't stop smiling and lovedove got to feel some of the best kicks/punches/etc i've had so far. it was so much fun, she was a little crazy person for like 2 or 3 minutes, it was great.

im starting to think about if i want pregnancy photos. i have a few creative friends with cameras who im sure would love to help out with something like that if i decided i wanted to do it, but im always very torn about how i feel about the designs/poses and what i would actually want for our family if we did do a little photo shoot. sometimes i feel like some maternity photos are too sexy, but i like the silhouette ones sometimes. i have no idea what i'd want, however... i do know what i wouldn't want. completely hysterical to me, wishing good luck to those kids in dealing with their interesting parents as they age.

had another sonogram today. love to see the little one in there doing well. had a newbie doing the sono though. i love the really experienced ones who know how to get great shots of baby for the take home pics, the one i had today, not so much. i know everyone has to start somewhere, but i totally have my fave sono techs. pics were ok though. i appreciate them regardless of quality will get one on here before i finish this post. my dr was there to review the images and said that baby "looks great, not too big, not too small. absolutely average". thats right kiddo, you stay right there in the middle. doc said she's almost 2 lbs now, right amount of fluid around her. my next appt with my dr is in 2 weeks, and my next sono is in 3 weeks on halloween morning. amazingly i have zero dr appts next week, cant even remember the last time that happened and im pretty happy about it. will schedule a playdate with a cousin and hopefully be able to run some errands. dare i put vacuuming on the list for next week?

here's one of the 4 pics she gave me. not sure if there is a best one. they are kind of scary halloweenie and make baby look like she has crazy vampire teeth or something.

congrats to the two mommies at Lezbemoms and welcome Paxton!

20w1d

well today was the sonogram appt and overall it went well. being as nervous as i always am, i was nervous for them to get a good look at baby's heart and brain. the sonogram tech came in and began to get the needed measurements and necessary pictures. they did a vaginal scan to check my cervix and then started the regular abdominal stuff. baby was a little move-y but she was pretty much running through the first half of the appt pretty quickly. she was like a pro, but then she seemed to be having a hard time getting the needed measurements. she explained that baby was just curled up, so they had me drink some water and baby was more cooperative in getting the bone measurements. then baby stopped being cooperative again. they had me roll onto my left side, didn't help. had me roll on my right, didn't help. then they asked me to lay on my side for a few minutes and they took a break in hopes that baby would move on her own.

when they came back she was able to get all of the measurements on the bones but there were 2 shots that she was having a hard time getting, one of the baby's nasal bone, and one of her heart. of course i didn't realize they were trying to take a picture of baby's heart at a certain angle, and all i kept thinking was "why do they keep looking at her heart? didn't we see so much of her heart already?". the techs cant say anything so im just kind of going crazy. then she seemed to give up (she was super nice and had probably just exhausted her efforts) and said the doctor would be in in a few minutes to "discuss the results of today's exam" and take another quick peek. fine. they asked if i would be willing to let a student tech get some practice, and of course, in order to see more and more of baby girl, i agreed. she played around for about 15 minutes until the dr came in. the dr came in and let us know that everything was looking good with the baby, but there were 2 shots that the tech hadn't been able to get, one of baby's heart and one of baby's nasal bone. i knew as soon as she said nasal bone that meant down syndrome stuff, and i also knew that my blood test results had come back with the lowest probable risk based on the screening. i also felt like i had seen baby's nose both on previous scans and I thought i had seen it today, but the tech was probably looking at/for something else at the time. long story short, the doctor had a hard time getting these two images also.

she tried for about 15 minutes, had me roll onto both sides, no luck. then i realized that my sugar was low. i had asked lovedove to grab my sugar and my water so i could give that a boost (which clearly tastes terrible but when there is no other option, ill ingest anything). my very experienced dr then asked me if i wanted a CHOCOLATE COVERED STRAWBERRY. im assuming it was a pharmaceutical rep that had brought in 2 trays of them (we saw this happen while we were in the waiting room) and of course i said yes! it was fantastic, but didnt calm my nerves much. she tried for a few more minutes to get the 2 desired shots, still no go. they had me get up and go to the bathroom. when i got back from the bathroom the dr tried one more time and tried to reassure me that she wasn't really concerned about anything, it was just a certain angle of a certain shot that they coulnd't get and sometimes babies just don't cooperate. she said that we could stop there, or i could lay on my side for a few more minutes, and have a different tech come in and give it one more shot so that i could leave my now 90 minute sonogram (we went in at 2:30, and at this point I realized it was now 4:00) with a good feeling instead of an anxious one. even though i knew i was being that patient/pregnant lady, i knew i would have been a wreck if they hadn't been able to get what they needed.

luckily for me, a new sonogram tech came in a few minutes later and magically baby was in a perfect position and she was able to get the needed shots within 2 minutes.

i thanked everyone for their patience and effort and felt good walking out. i have my next appt with my dr in a week, and i go in for a fetal echo in 2 weeks. oh and i also have own ekg in a week and a half. so ill be back there 3 times in the next 14 days. i totally dont mind, i love being monitored closely.  so that was my big long halfway there sonogram story. here is the picture of the (confirmed today) stubborn baby girl.

oh and one more thing. the dog. since she's feeling much better and doing much better, and she is back to her old pesky habits. she's back to stealing sofia's stuffed animals and running around the house/chewing on them, amazingly without destroying them. the thing i've realized recently, she mostly goes after the bears. a pink teddy bear that sings the ABC's is her favorite lately, which must be because she ended her major love affair with the mini brown bear in the green frog suit, but she pulls him out occasionally too. i just think thats too funny, my dog loves to chew on bears!

one day shy of 17w

there she is!

well, the results are in..... baby #2 is...... a baby girl!

we're thrilled that we'll get to use Sofia's enormous wardrobe again. sono tech and the dr who checked in after her both said she looked great. we joked with the tech about how cooperative baby was when she was trying to find out the gender, she was able to very quickly get a good view of the three lines, and said she was 95-96% sure baby is a girl. she had forgotten to snap a "take home" picture for us, so she made sure to try to get a good one before the visit was over, and then baby promptly began to be less cooperative. ah, little girls.

here are the shots we got to take home, baby weighs about 6 ozs already, and i cant believe tomorrow is 17 weeks. crazy! i totally cant wait to see *her* again in month. im in love already.

gummy bear update

thankfully, yesterday's appointment went very well. i had to go alone, no children are allowed, lovedove had to work, but i was only a little nervous because i've been feeling so crappy, so i was pretty sure things were going well. the sono tech was super nice and the pictures we got were pretty cool. without further delay, here's blueberry 9 weeks in:

i know, meh, just looking blob-ie.

THEN she went into the 3d/4d stuff, and that's when it got really exciting! i didn't even know they could see anything like this, this early.

my little color titles are the body parts she pointed out. i dont think i would have figured any of that out. well i might have, but i don't think i would have thought i was right.

this baby truly does resemble a gummy bear at this point. the sonogram experience was so awesome. i saw the blueberry gummy bear bounce around for a second, saw the heart beating (again) 180 bpm (nice and strong she said), and got to hear it for the first time. it was amazing, she played the audio clip twice for me. i think im still kind of in shock. i understand what pregnant is, and other people understand what pregnant is/means, but i think we tend to forget exactly how much is going on inside our bodies when we are pregnant. its really nuts.

my brain is too scattered to type much more. i needed a change from the crazy follicle party backround from the stim period of our journey. i know this backround is still a little busy, but thats me. i'm not that calm of an energy.

wanted to get these pics up for any interested onlookers.

ps. the pic says gestational age is 8w3d, i guess thats the info from my lmp. the dr said that the baby is measuring 9w, which corresponded exactly with the ivf dates. so im pretty sure im 9w1d today. thats what im sticking to. im not second guessing myself anymore.

2 of hearts...

2 hearts (blueberry's and mine) that beat as one, 2 of hearts, i need you i need you... (a million points if you realize those are 80's song lyrics)

soooooooooo, today we were blessed enough to see the little blueberry's tiny heart beating. to say i was a complete wreck before would be an understatement. i cried a few tiny tears of joy and squeezed lovedove's hand watching the screen. i think that i was in a state of disbelief that the image on the sonogram screen was what is going on in my body. i cant believe i finally have a sonogram picture with my name on it, and visual proof of this new pregnancy. i am so happy right now and i am trying to doing a better job at being relaxed and happy in the moment. i am going to convince myself that there is no reason to worry excessively, unless there is some sign that i should be worried. as long as my breasts continue to make removing a bra momentarily agonizing, i will try not to worry.

as we're so open with our family and friends, i had a million text updates to send, and each one was responded to with congrats and smiley emoticons. i feel very fortunate to have the support system that we have, and that includes this amazing community of women of the blogging world. i truly do feel like we're all a part of one big team and i love that we all take turns rooting for each other. im looking forward to cheering for the ladies who haven't gotten their bfp yet, i know they're coming!

anyway, here's the first glimpse of the blueberry......

next step is to find a high risk dr. have a place in mind, its a practice comprised completely of women. they're local, are affiliated with the hospital i want to give birth at, and my RE knew of them and spoke highly of them when i mentioned them. bing-o. sounds like a win already. ill be making that call tomorrow and hoping that they can get me in there in the next week or two. i really just didn't want to count my chickens (thank God there was only one baby in there) too soon. happy to be graduating from my RE but i will certainly miss all of the staff. they were truly wonderful through the whole process. OH! almost forgot, we asked my RE if we could donate my leftover injectables, and he said no, some legal BS etc. then i spoke with my nurse and she said ( of course they would be able to accept and pass along the unused meds to women who could not financially afford all of the meds in a regular situation) the same thing. wink. yay to paying it forward.

looking fwd to a fun weekend. first pool party at a friend's house this weekend. woohoo! cant wait to get sofia in the water again!