trying to get back to normal (kind of an irritated venty rant, you've been warned)

all of this crazy severe nyc weather has made our area turn upside down and for those of us that were not very affected (and those that were), it's been hard to find normalcy again. my work schedule has been turned upside down and i've barely seen any clients in the last 2 weeks. severe weather, the gas shortage, and public transportation disturbances have been the main issues. i've only seen 8 clients and worked 4 days this pay period (usually i see about 4 a night and about 22-26 a pay period). tonight and tomorrow are the last two days in this pay period for me, so im praying for a huge turnout both evenings. as i've mentioned before, i only get paid when clients show up. i could do paperwork for hours, but if my clients dont show up, i dont get paid a dime. needless to say this adds quite a bit of stress to our world, as i had imagined that we'd be able to bank more money on the side for my unpaid maternity leave. whatever, we'll manage.

speaking of financial woes, i've just about had it with disa's vet office. the docp shot, that she needs monthly to be healthy is being given to us at a crazy marked up price. long story short. the drug is called percorten v. wholesale cost of a 4ml vial (in 2009) was $153, which is probably what the vet pays for that size vial, maybe a little more with inflation over the last few years. disa's current dose is 1.9mls, so that vial would have 2 months worth of medicine in it for her. at her injection appt last monday, i was charged $220. i tried to fight it in the moment as we've paid $75 the first 2 times, $130, the 3rd time, and now that. i wasn't going to get all up in arms that day bc i didnt have time or my past receipts. i went back the next day with my other receipts and talked to the bitch who overcharged me. she swore that the other receptionists had undercharged us. possible, but i think people would be losing their jobs if they undercharged a client by $150 twice. i left a message for the owner of the clinic asking to be spoken to about the pricing, and who calls me back? the bitch jen who overcharged us this last time. she's all "i know the medication is expensive, but this is what we charge for a dog that is 68 lbs". um no bitch, you're fucking price gauging, and either you're going to work with me and my family (they've admitted that they only treat about 3{they treat about 10,000 in total} dogs w Addison's disease) and cut a break for the two other families in the neighborhood whose dogs are afflicted with this rare condition, or you're not. we'd love to pay $75, but thats probably the base price w no surcharge for doing the injection, and without any mark up. we'd pay the $130 w no problem. $220? bitch please. show me the math. thats all im asking for is math. show me how you get to $220 when the entire vial (with 2 of disa's monthly doses) costs less than the price you're quoting me for one injection. needless to say im furious and will be trying to see if disa's dr can help us at all with this, or else we're going to have to look elsewhere, which is another headache i dont want to take on. i guess that wasn't long story short. whoops.

other stresses? um how about im almost out of testing strips because my regular endocrinologist doesnt know how to complete paperwork properly and in a timely manner, and im running out of insulin because my insurance company changed some of their providers, and i've been trying to remedy the situation for weeks. today i have to trek to my endo's office to pick up a sample pump and another vial of insulin to hold me over until all of this is resolved. i hate having to do follow up work when its other people's job. just do your job and make sure i have the shit i need. its so stressful. i want this situation to be sorted out already.

baby sprinkle #1 is this saturday. im excited, but a lot of our family guests cant make it bc we're doing it kid free at my mom and dad's apt. its not too large, and we have a ton of little cousins. i dont want any kids around me (to be completely honest, bc im going to be surrounded by our 2 children for the next 18 years, god willing) at my parties, but space was also an issue for my mom. it should be really nice w yummy food. on another grumpy note, my sister asked me what time it starts, when i saw her yesterday. clearly im irritated with that. she's a pretty self centered person in general, which isn't a dig, it kind of just is, but i wish that the party to celebrate my pregnancy, and the upcoming arrival of her second niece was higher up on her list of priorities, that she knew what time it started. ps, she still technically lives at my mom's house, but im pretty sure has not had one second of thought/input contributed to the party planning. that kind of hurts.

speaking of hurting, this week brought some back/lower spinal cord pain, no fun, but only here and there, and it usually goes away by the next morning. my lower pelvic pain continues every other day or so, but i guess its just my body starting to make more room for baby. baby also seems to be head down now so ive been feeling lots more kicks near my lungs which is kind of annoying but cute at the same time.

(i wrote most of this post before 8am... its now 1pm and im just coming back to this)

sofia has been so much of a challenge in the last week. clearly you (if you are us) give a sick kid anything they want when they're sick bc they're so pathetic and miserable and all you want to do is make them happy/see them smile. the down side of that is returning to normalcy with rules, reprecussions, etc. sofia hit me in the face today with a book and it took everything i had not to lose it on her. i kind of just picked her up by her upper arms and grunted at her (i grunt a lot for a human when im mad) then i put her down, and locked myself in the bathroom for 2 minutes and cried. that was probably 10am. i then needed to dress her, ride out to my endo's office (the amazing nursing staff there gave me 3 bottles of huma.log for which im super duper grateful, not what i usually use but im so desperate ill take anything i dont have to pay out of pocket for) and then to sofia's dr for a follow up. sofia behaved for the most part at the dr, doc said she looked good, gave her a lollipop and a sticker. when we got home i let sofia eat said lollipop, with the one stipulation that she remain seated while she ate it. after 2 warnings and 3 attempts to walk around with her lollipop i threw it out, and locked the garbage can (simp.le huma.n items are amazing) and sat down for a minute to rest. realizing she could not open the garbage can, she intentionally peed her pants.

i am so completly overwhelmed with the constant "to do" list that never gets shorter. im starting to feel scared about parenting 2 kids at once and how much of a change that will be. i am so tired all of the time. the only consolation is that my belly is big enough now that people kind of feel bad for me when they see me in difficult situations. nice people are holding doors open for us (sofia and i), the nurses were extra nice to me today, etc.

all i want to do is nap but i still need to call disa's doctor, go to post office, and find out what the hell sofia is doing in her room instead of what she should/is supposed to be doing, napping.

i want nap time for us both right now.

just in case things were getting boring

things are going well, i sold my car, im about to start my summer work schedule, and ill be 11 weeks pregnant on wednesday. sounds peachy, no? well add a little torrential rain, an average 10 minute commute by streets to work, and just one asshole and what do you get? a car accident. thankfully i saw it coming when the guy began to try to cut me off (he was trying to get out of the backed up left-turn-lane and into my, steadily moving, middle lane) and was able to maneuver my car enough to the right to avoid any major injury to me or the other guy. there was no major impact, i kind of just got sandwiched in between this guy on my left, and a speeding UPS truck on my right. the ups truck kept it movin, didn't brake or stop, eh what did he care he's driving a commercial vehicle and there was probably little to no damage to his truck. needless to say i pulled my car over and marched over to this guy's window like a mad woman. i must have screamed a few obscenities and then follow with "tell me you have insurance you jackass", clearly, still yelling. he wound up to be a very nice person, just made a poor driving decision, but i was furious for a good 5 minutes while i called lovedove, my parents, and the cops. i tried to calm myself down quickly as i didn't want to be that amped for too long. i was thankful that there really was no impact or anything, the seat belt didn't tighten at all so im just trying to be thankful for how the situation turned out. no one was hurt, its all just cosmetic crap that can be easily fixed. accidents happen all of the time, thats why we have insurance. so long story short, he made a mistake (and admitted he was totally wrong, even to the cops), i did a good enough job driving defensively to avoid major injury, and all this will cost is some money. im just thankful and relieved that it wasn't worse. i drop the car at the shop tomorrow morning, so we'll be down to 1 car which is fine bc lovedove's last day of work is weds. i hope the repairs dont take long, i love our "new" car. oh yea i forgot to mention that i was driving the car that was handed down to us from my dad, exactly one month prior.

since i didnt make it in to work yesterday, im officially done working mondays until the school year picks up again, yipee hooray! im hoping this week goes fast, because i know next week will go fast, clearly im in a rush to get to our 12 week sono next friday. i want to see and hear that things are still going well. im also excited for lovedove to finally be able to attend a sono appt with me. she was there for the first one at 6 weeks, but there was not that much to see at that point. im excited for summer, we have tons more family time together, and we also have 2 nearly back to back vacations planned for late july and early august. i know that we have so much fun stuff scheduled that the summer will fly, im just looking forward to so much of it.

im slightly concerned about the vacation with my side of the family.while we, my mother, my sister, lovedove and i, were at my cousin's bridal shower this weekend, my sister picked a fight with me on behalf of my mother (PS - they're simultaneously arch enemies, and identical personalities). then she told me that i've been bitchy lately. really? i'm a medically complicated, first time pregnant lady, TRYING TO GROW A HEALTHY HUMAN. wtf have you been up to lately other than running your mouth? in all honestly, i have been irritable and overwhelmed lately, what first time high risk person isn't? my family just does not get the concept of emotional support. i've always tried to communicate my feelings and emotions to my family members, but it always seems pointless. in one ear and out the other. im hoping i can survive 4 uninterrupted SOBER days with them.

one more family thing before i move on. my aunt has a 4th of july celebration each year. this year she moved it to saturday because the 4th is on a weds and apparently weds is not a festive enough day. well sat, the 7th, happens to be lovedove's birthday. we declined the invite to the celebration because we have birthday plans. what an uproar this caused. my aunt is trying to move the celebration from the 4th to the 7th now to the 14th, just so that we will be able to attend. i'm sure this is all because no one ever gets "enough" time with Sofia. yes, she does command attention, and she is a great funny smart little kid, but we didn't create her for everyone else's enjoyment. we created her so that we would be able to have our own family. the fact that we are so sharing of our time is a lovely thing, we enjoy family time, but i don't need people to change their party plans just so we can attend. its a lot of pressure, and its annoying. i told my aunt i didnt expect this much of a guilt trip from my one non-italian aunt. im just annoyed and venting but there has been an abnormally large amount of family shit lately.

anyway, my nausea seems to have faded for the most part and only attacks me occasionally now. no amount of sleep seems to be enough, ever, and i still want every food item i see, hear about, etc.

we had a very nice pride day on sunday, the weather was just about perfect, and i made it through the walk with the NYCGBL without having to pee or getting dehydrated. i was in bed before 10 that night as the walk is 1.8 miles long. it was lovely and i would have been really disappointed not to participate. i really do think it is the most proud i feel of our life each year. lovedove and i get to walk down 5th ave, hand in hand, with lovedove's mom pushing sofia in the stroller. it makes me so proud, and i cant wait to do it each year.

for anyone wondering the dog is all better, thank god, but has remained itchy. that is the least of our worries though as she is back to eating normally and playing the way she usually does.

2012 has officially been the most expensive year(6 month period) ever for us. clearly the bulk of our expenses have been fertility stuff and surgery/unpaid recovery time, throw in the new/used car, yesterday's accident, the dog's switch to more expensive food (more agreeable on her tummy), her random ear infection/illness, and the tickets we just purchased for our vacation to california, and its just been a lot. we live on 1.5 incomes but somehow we're making it work.

sofia will be up soon, i should do the things around the house i need to do while i still can. will check in again soon. im thankful to have vented, and there's sofia... "mama..... where are you?". duty calls.