39 is the finish line

met with my doctor yesterday for our regular check up. she did my cultures, which was the first time i have been bottomless in a doctor's office in a while, and she joked with the nurse the whole time. the two of them are really great and make me feel super comfortable always. after she did those swabs and checked baby's heart beat on the tiny doppler, she asked me to join her in her office. she gave me the pre-registration packet (which i apparently was supposed to receive much earlier but they forgot - no biggie) and we talked about what the plan is. then she used one of my favorite quotes about life "we plan and God laughs". its so true sometimes. anyway, she would normally start seeing me weekly at this point, but she's not in the office next thurs, so i'll see her 2 days after christmas when im almost 37 weeks. CRAZY. where does the time go that christmas is in 11 days? anyway. she said that because i'm there so frequently (every 3-4 days) for a sono and nst, that she's not going to worry about having another clinician check in with me next week. the plan is, that if "all" continues to go well, "all" being tight control of my blood sugars without them plummeting (which may indicate placental breakdown - in which case we'd need to meet baby sooner than later), my blood pressure continuing to be where they want it, and decent non stress test results/biophysical profiles w the sonos, then we'll try to get to mid january and then induce. so, within a month, we should meet this baby. holy moly. so many feelings ranging from crazy excitement, a little bit of worry about delivery and how it will go, to omg we're going to have 2 kids/how am i going to learn to juggle all of that with a crazy dog, etc. i can't believe she's almost here.

baby was not that cooperative on the non stress test machine yesterday. i'm usually in a recliner, they have 2 set up, but they were occupied, so i laid on a stretcher during the test. apparently baby thought i was sleeping and went to sleep too. after a while and some unsuccessful attempts to wake her up by drinking cold water, they had me turn onto my side and lay there for a while longer. she cooperated once i was on my side and after what was probably an hour, they let me go, satisfied with the heart rate info during her movement that they saw on the printed strip.

then at the sono, the tech seemed a little concerned with my placenta. apparently it is horseshoe shaped and she was a little concerned about making sure it attached at some point. one of the doctors came in to look around with the sono wand and said everything looked fine, and that she was not worried. however, had i not already been scheduled for 2x a week sonos, that type of thing would warrant getting those additional peeks to monitor that kind of thing. when i asked my dr about it, she said that it is just to make sure that when i deliver the baby and the placenta they are able to get all of the placenta out, to avoid additional unnecessary bleeding after the birth. so any minor stress i experienced from that was pretty much put to rest once i spoke with her.

cue frustrated family ramble. every thursday, i pretty much rely on my sister to watch sofia while im at my appt(s). fine. so weds i speak with her about what the plan is, i ask her to come to our apt around 9.30/10 because i need to leave at 10 to watch sofia. i ask her to bring her car so that i dont have to put the car seat in her car, and i would just drive her car to my appts. my only request is that she take Sofia to storytime at the library, which she hasn't been to in weeks. ok. arrival time to our apt. 10 on the dot. she brings her boyfriend. totally fine bc he's a really nice guy and treats Sofia like gold, however, they drive over in his truck. now i have to transfer the car seat into this car. that takes time. fine. whatever, i get out of the house and get to my appt about 15 minutes late, which is now normal bc my family is typically not good at arriving on time/early. i didn't go on fb from my phone while i was at my appts bc my phone is pretty much always dead (the battery and phone are 2 yrs old and i think its just not holding a charge well anymore) and i just zoned out/read a magazine/etc. i get a text from lovedove that reads "your sister's fb post irritated me a little". so of course now im curious. i go on fb. i see a pic of sofia and my sister's boyfriend at the library reading a book. fine. i read the caption my sister puts with the picture. "storytime!! how ironic she picks out "daddy and me lol". ok, 1. she doesn't have a dad. 2. its not funny that she likes that book (its a flap book, she has several just like it by the same author, we've read it before) 3. your bf is certainly not her dad. 4. your boyfriend isn't even her "uncle" until you get engaged/marry him.

cue my fury. i commented on the post and said "are you trying to start a fight? you should probably think a little more before you post stuff". i just felt so angry. like i think ive said on here, i feel like she loves to play house with our baby, that we planned for, provide for, and care for every second of every day. when she takes Sofia places its not like - oh this is my niece, she's so cute, i love spending time with her, (for me it feels more like) its - i'm pretending this is my kid and this is my little family, and that is exactly how that post made me feel. plus, i dont think its a laughing matter that she doesn't have a dad. Sofia is aware that she doesn't have a daddy, but i think she's ok with it at this point. we talk about different kinds of families, and she knows that she has two mommies and she's a well rounded happy kid. i was just so furious. she didn't respond in any way to what i said, and she probably feels like im over reacting. i dont think i am. i didn't scream, i didn't yell, i didn't even address it with her in person. my family's way is to just avoid any "real" confrontation, and any time i do address any real issue i have with things they do or say, i'm the emotional (now pregnant - lucky them they get to play up the hormones too) one who makes a big deal out of nothing all of the time. i feel like i would have been fine with either the pic by itself, or the caption by itself, but the two together just made me too angry. arrrrggggg.

what about you - other 2 mom families? how would you have felt in this situation?

i dont know how some ladies do it.

i feel huge already, and i don't think im actually carrying that large. my own mobility/comfort complaints lead me to question how other women do it. what about ladies who aren't built bigger like me? how do they cart around this huge belly on a tiny body? what about women who carry multiples, holy moly, how do they do it with 2 babies in there? my cousin had twins 2 years ago. she carried those 2 to 40 weeks and was literally the size of a house. she needed physical help to get on and off of the couch each time, and now she's back to being the size of a toothpick. women are truly amazing. paft of me feels like a very accomplished pregnant lady, i didn't have many physical complaints until recently, and i was pretty active (lovedove laughs at me when i say that bc she doesn't think its true) but i mean active in terms of taking sofia out on errands, and to playgroup, and story time, and to visit her grandparents during the day, and then i went to work most afternoons. i feel good about that. as lazy as i feel now, and i know i have felt pretty lazy through most of this pregnancy, i still feel like i did a good job in the care i provided to sofia during the majority of this pregnancy. anyway, onto baby things.

at my holiday party for work on weds night, i ate a ton, which led me to feel like a turducken. i felt like i had a full baby belly, inside of my full momma belly, and it made me think of a turducken. not sure if this is a commonly known thing, but if anyone doesn't know what a turducken is, its a deboned chicken, stuffed into a deboned duck, stuffed into a deboned turkey.

baby seems to have alternating days of activity and slower days of rest. i totally love feeling her, and im kind of getting excited that some of her movements are getting uncomfortable to experience. makes me feel like im getting closer and closer to meeting her. i mean i know i actually am, but it still seems like forever away. though yesterday lovedove said to me "amy, if you get induced 2 weeks early, we could have this new baby in a month", and my brain was like no, that wouldn't be until the beginning of january, and then i was like, riiiiiiight. its getting very close now, its hard to believe. this pregnancy has been the fastest thing in the world and the slowest thing in the world, simultaneously. its an incredible phenomenon all around.

at my sono and nst yesterday, baby measured 5lbs5ozs, which im not sure i believe, the pro tech's first guess was 5lbs1oz, but once she plugged the measurements into the computer it said 5-5, but i wouldn't mind a bigger baby. i want some chubby cheeks to squeeze and some rolls on those thighs! i love chubby babies! i know my vagina probably won't agree, but that's such a temporary discomfort, says the lady who has yet to experience a vaginal delivery.

anyway, im totally looking forward to this weekend. we're doing christmas shopping sans sofia later today, and tomorrow we're taking the xmas picture and maybe getting the tree. sunday is the last day of basketball games for the NYCGBL and we're gonna go to watch and show off my belly and see everyone one last time before we've got 2 kids. holy moly. 2 kids. this is going to be very very interesting.

waiting around

so today marks (business) day #3 that i have been waiting for my "overnighted" package from my medical provider. UPS has royally fucked me, and i've spent $70 in the last 4 days acquiring the testing strips i need to adequately care for myself and baby in terms of managing my diabetes. i've spent what is now hours, on the phone with UPS, demanding that they work with me to get these supplies to me. this is not a fucking pair of gloves i ordered online, or someone's gift for xmas, this is essentially my fucking health, in a box. needless to say im absolutely livid, on top of trying to keep an active toddler couped up in the apt without experiencing non stop tantrums, on top of being completely exhausted. and truly, i dont want to hear "its high volume shipping season", i get that, but its not the week before xmas or chanukka (dont think i spelled that right, i know the c is optional, but im not sure about the rest of it.. wait ill check.. according to www.jewfaq.org that spelling is correct lol.. what a great web address) and these are fucking medical supplies for a pregnant lady. come on people, lets do your jobs.

speaking of following up on other people not being able to do their jobs properly, i had to hand deliver a letter from my new insulin supplier to my endo yesterday. they (the admin people at my endo) say they faxed the authorization for my insulin refills on "the 5th", to that i responded "of november, correct?", "yes", well i received this letter in the mail last week. so they agreed to refax the rx. if that doesn't solve the problem i dont know what else i can do to try to facilitate smooth uncomplicated communication between these two service providers.

then i get an email from 1eighthundredpetmeds. we placed an order for disa's medication (the vet and his admin have agreed to let us purchase her meds and administer her shot at home pending we come in for monthly bloods) on saturday, and since then they have not received a response from disa's doctor. after the initial order is placed, they send the rx request to the dr. needless to say, and everyone take one big guess here, i call the vets office and they, everyone together now yell it like you're in a studio audience for a game show...... "didn't receive the fax". called petmeds, they refaxed the request. please please please clear yourself up, issue. i've had it with time sensitive medical shit that is out of my hands. i apologize for this blog becoming so rant-y lately, but it does seem like we've been under a significant amount of unnecessary stress at the hands of others, and this is truly the best place for me to get it out.

ok. enough of that.

nst and sono yesterday, baby went crazy on the non stress test, she was moving all around like a lunatic, kicked me in the ribs for the first time, and got the hiccups while i was still hooked up to the machine towards the end of the test. she didn't sit still for more than 3 or 4 minutes during that period and it totally took me by surprise. she is usually significantly calmer, but i really enjoyed that experience. the sono was fine, got another experienced tech, so i'm thinking that my time with jane the trainee is over. maybe they just let her do the 28-32 week ones bc they need to really start to monitor my fluid levels and baby's growth after that point? who knows, im glad to be done with her. she doesn't even smile when i see her in the waiting room. grump. during the sono yesterday, despite the images not being in 3d, we were able to see baby playing with her nose. it was so cute! she was kind of just pushing it down a few times and i couldnt believe i was watching her do it. the tech was giggling a little and said she was cute with chubby cheeks. my.god.i.cant.wait.to.see.her.in.person.

like i said before i am so tired. like, the most tired i have been through the entire pregnancy. i assume this will only continue, fine by me. do i wish i had more energy and felt more mobile? sure, but im pretty much halfway through the final trimester of pregnancy, im pretty sure what im feeling is completely normal. yesterday i didnt wind up going in to work, only 1 client is coming, so it wasn't really worth getting into work clothes, commuting(though brief), etc. i have work today, our holiday party (so no work) tomorrow, and then thurs and my work week is done. again, not good for bank accounts, but good for resting.

i continue to love feeling baby do more frequent and stronger movements, and yesterday sofia put her hand on my belly and would have felt a kick right smack on her hand if she was able to wrap her brain around the reality connected to the words "baby sissa in momma belly". her vocab is again on some kind of crazy incline, its truly amazing.

amidst all of this craziness, i've been remembering to be thankful for all that we have and keep in mind the relativity of diabetes testing strips not being delivered, as opposed to this being an insulin shipment, or other medication for more life threatening illnesses.

reading along with everyone's stories and loving being connected to all of you ladies through our journeys. i feel blessed to be among such a strong group of determined women. hoping this little one will be strong and determined (later in life, i could do without a second strong willed toddler) too.