Friday, July 8, 2011

holy roadblock. batman.

yesterday was my wife's birthday and my first exam at the IVF office. i thought that would be the perfect thing to do on your life partner's birthday. go to a doctor visit to talk about expanding your family. sounds lovely right? not when you're me. here's what happened.

we go into the doc's little office room, have a seat, go over my medical history, menstrual health history, family medical history etc. my mom had endometriosis, a condition where the endometrium grows in places other than where its supposed to and causes pain, irregular bleeding, possible infertility. fine. lets talk about the diabetes. i talk about how ive recently started using the cgm, my control is getting better, im down to a 6.7 A1C. he pisses me of by saying "thats a little high". do me a favor, phrase your words differently. tell me, "great work you're almost exactly where we want you". whatever, im sensitive. fine. could cause some complications. fine. nothing i havent read about. im totally aware, my control is getting better and better. fine. lets go do the physical. great.

so my wife and i go into the exam room. i get naked and throw on the glamorous pink paper gown and try to stay calm. first things first, extensive breast exam, check. fun speculum stuff, great. now its time for the internal stuff. manual physical exam, whatever, check. internal sonogram time. doc goes " im having trouble seeing your left ovary" me: "is it missing?" nope he found it, thats fine. the probing gets moderately uncomfortable and im starting to get worried. he's looking at something in particular. im cringing from the pain and pressure being applied to whatever he's looking at and he asks my wife to come over and take a look at what he's seeing.

apparently i have 1 or 2 "large" cysts by my right ovary. fml. this probably explains the excessive bleeding ive always had, the painful cramping, and the one night a month im woken up out of a deep sleep by unbearable abdominal pain. fabulous. he starts to talk about exactly what they could be, i could need surgery, etc. go for additional tests. so much fun. as if i wasnt already a lesbian with a health condition, now i potentially have another condition that could fuck up my fertility? fantastic. so after our little chat with the doc, he leaves, i get to put some clothes back on and i cry a little. my wife tells me everything will be fine, how good it is that we found this before it was a bigger issue, before we wasted time and money and sperm trying to get pregnant if this is actually a significant issue, and that we know nothing yet. shes very right, this is all true. but my to-do list keeps getting bigger and bigger, and my health issues seem to just keep on multiplying. its pretty frustrating, but i am soooooo thankful that i have great insurance coverage, and hopefully we can afford all of the extra crap i need.

in other aspects of my life, disa's first appointment with the oncologist is scheduled for next month. time to really see what we need to do next. she might need her spleen removed. we shall see. sofia is getting bigger and stronger, cuter and funnier every day. shes a great baby, but sometimes she's quite a handful. right now shes yelling at me from her crib bc she doesnt feel like napping but believe me, she's very tired, and she needs a nap. my wife's birthday was truly lovely other than this doctor crap yesterday. i feel badly that i scheduled it for yesterday. ug.

well i feel a little better putting this all out there, even though no one actually reads this. maybe someday someone will be looking for a blog like this and somehow stumble upon mine, and maybe that person will know they're not alone in their quest for pregnancy. here's to hoping we all get to where we want to be, sooner than later.....

i get into