Monday, February 11, 2013

a long one

this post is going to start out very ranty in regards to our lgbt family and the hoops we have to jump through. you've been warned.

to start on a good note, our home visit with the social worker (Lori of NY Home Study) was last week and everything was fine. we worked with lori the first time around for sofia's adoption and she was lovely (and slightly socially awkward) then, and is still lovely now. it was a very quick visit, done in an hour, she had most of the needed information from the intake she did last time, and we just updated her on my journey to pregnancy and any changes in the last few years. she even did well with disa (she's not a dog person). i think she gives off a very calm and uninterested energy which works well around our pup. then she mentioned another mommy couple who live nearby who gave birth to a baby girl the day after laila was born. since then she's given us each other's emails and we've contacted each other, which is super lovely, as we only know one other lady couple with a baby. i'm glad that the home visit was as simple as it should be, even though its a hoop i wish we didn't have to jump through. PS i want to do that job one day, and what i really want to happen is for me to contact her in a few years when im ready to work FT again and i want her to say "sure i'll take you under my wing, i'm getting too busy anyway". boom. we'll see how i feel in 6 years.

next hoop, the birth certificate. with sofia it was no problem. she was technically born in queens, so thats in the city of ny. the birth certificate system at the hospital was equipped with the tools needed to give us the standard birth certificate with both mommies listed and this it what it pretty much looked like.

this time around, with laila being born in nassau county (long island NY) things are much different. i went to the office to retrieve her birth certificate bc they had taken so long to mail it, plus i wanted to double check that everything was correct. i get there and the woman hands me this.

my reaction: wtf is this? that doesnt look like an official birth record, it looks like something i created on my laptop at home. i don't want my kid going through life with a weird birth certificate that doesn't look legit.
she explains that this is her official copy of her birth certificate. their system is not equipped to put two mothers on a birth certificate with whatever system they use, or something like that i was only half listening bc i was angry. tells me i should complain, gives me a number to the office of vital records to call and they might be able to help get a copy on certificate/safety paper. i call the number, get transferred to a man named Jim. i explain the situation.he tells me he is going to look into it (calls the office i was just at) and calls me back. explains that its the village registrar's fault and i should complain to them as my daughter "deserves" a birth certificate that looks like everyone else's, thanks Jim. Jim is very understanding of why i feel this is an injustice to laila/our family, and explains there is a standard $35 fee to get a copy printed on the special (typical) paper. i ask if there is a way to waive that fee in this situation, he says he'll look into it. he calls me back (again - we spoke a total of 3 times which i think is amazing in a very good way) and says i can expect a phone call from a mr. higher-up-director-guy who should be "very accomodating". I thank Jim for his help and understanding. a few hours later i get a call from said director, who states he will be happy to waive the fee. he emails me the form, i'm to complete it and return it to him, and presto we'll have a pretty birth certificate for laila without incurring any kind of fee.

i could not believe how quickly the situation was handled and how understanding and efficient these gentlemen were. it was unbelievably simple. i didn't have to get angry, or yell at anyone to get something done. incredible. people doing their jobs well. very rare these days. so thankful. i'll prob complain to the registrar to be an advocate for future lgbt families, no family should have to "fight" for a regular birth certificate. that was all pretty silly that all of that was necessary.

here's my last rant. we got a bill from the hospital for a pediatrician that saw laila, presumably when she was in the nicu. the bill is for $550. my insurance company sent me $57 to cover the cost of this out of network provider. i'm not paying the remaining fee. why in the world would a hospital assign a dr to a child who did not take their insurance? when was i supposed to direct the hospital staff to only have my newborn be seen by a dr that takes my insurance? when i had 5 minutes with her before she was carted off? when i was strapped to the bed bc i had hemorrhaged and was receiving a blood transfusion that prevented me from getting to her in the nicu? maybe i should have pinned a note on the blanket that she was wrapped in that said "in network dr's only please". she did not need a specialist of any kind, she had no issues, all she needed was a pediatrician, and you give her a dr that is out of network. how does that make sense? and i do not want to hear that there was only one pediatrician on at that time. i dont buy that for a second. so i left a message for the billing office yesterday, of course no call back yet. they're either reducing that crap or waiving it. they expect me to pay nearly $500 for a visit with a dr that i did not even see tend to my daughter, or speak to in any way form or fashion? nope. not happening. i hope its not as ugly as im expecting.

onto happier things. i lovingly refer to laila as the poop shooter when changing her diaper, although she's more of a pee-r who strikes by surprise, i do enjoy the challenge of changing her without an incident. she starting to smile more often which is awesome, since she makes a bunch of crazy faces and not all of them are that cute. she had her one month check up yesterday and the dr says she is doing well. she gained 25 ozs in the last 21 days and is now 8 lbs. i feel really proud that i know that all of the weight she has put on is due to me/our breastfeeding. whenever i think about how my body created every little feature on her and functioning organs and every little hair on her head i start to cry. i know half of it is the hormones, but the other half is just how amazing babies are. she is the most amazing little person, and i cant wait for her to chub up some more and get even cuter.

next.. to celebrate my birthday we did dinner at a traditional tiny italian restaurant with my parents and grandma (wednesday),  and then we went out for dinner on friday with betsys parents, grandma, and sister. on friday night i had decided to take the night off from breastfeeding, and did, and i drank a bunch of wine. it was lovely, i got a little drunk, very relaxed and very happy. it was an early dinner considering sofia's bedtime is around 7:30, so we were home early, and i continued the wine party until i went to bed. before i went to bed my boobs were already getting engorged/painful. i had given laila 2 bottles of half formula/half (prepumped) breastmilk and things seemed fine on her end. she woke up 2 hours after we went to bed, my buzz was totally gone, i was already laying in a puddle of breastmilk, i was still in pain and i decided to feed her. it was fine but more painful than usual and my flow seemed pretty fast since she seemed to have a rough time keeping up and coughed more than usual while she ate. then she spit up like crazy. eventually we got back to bed. she woke up again a few hours later which is very atypical. she wakes up 1 time each night, usually around 4. when she woke up the second time, we had the same experience. leaky hurty boobs, aggressive eater baby, spit up. i'm assuming the massive spit up was due to some remaining formula in her belly, but the false feeling of being hungry bc thats her routine. who knows. it was fine, but i felt massively guilty in the morning. we all slept like crap, it was not an easy night feeding wise, and i just felt bad about it overall. i promised her i wouldn't do it again, though lovedove said i was making a much bigger deal than i needed to. as much as i miss and enjoy drinking a bunch, this experience did not make me want to take another night off any time soon. next time, whenever that is, i'll have to pump&dump, or shower and express some by hand before i go to bed, or do something to ease the discomfort for all involved. im learning.

i need to end this post bc its super long. i'll just write about my favorite thing about sofia this week and be done. again, her vocabulary is increasing like crazy and she said the word "appointment" last week. i was telling her that laila and i would be going to see the doctor, and she said "baby sissa have appointment?". i couldn't believe my ears. shes such a riot, and a little smart ass. today she said "actually momma thats me coat" when i was trying to fix the zipper that was stuck. who the hell is this kid  (and why does she think im going to steal her coat)? she's our kid, thats who. couldn't be more proud to be her momma.

man oh man i am one lucky lady.

Wednesday, February 6, 2013

C is for community

i haven't followed this blog, partially bc i can't emotionally handle situations like this... but lovedove stalks several blogs off of the blogs i link to, and C is for Crocodile is one of them.

she's been reading along, and we've been praying, and we'll continue to pray for Caemon and his family. i can not ignore their family's loss.

i hate when heaven takes our angels much much too soon.

i pray that his mommies eventually find some peace, somehow. its just so unfathomable and horrible.

we're so very very sorry.

Tuesday, February 5, 2013

anddddd im 29

tomorrow is my birthday and im 29. thats reallll close to 30. i used to be more freaked out about the numbers of aging, but i've gotten myself out of that. i'm thankful for every birthday and as much as its a very strange process to get older, where high school and college kids look like babies to me, i'm thankful to be getting older. i'm thankful to be 29 and happy with my career, completely in love with my family that is now complete, and blessed to have super supportive family and friends around me daily. end of my birthday rant.

as im sure you are all curious, breastfeeding is much more enjoyable when im not in toe curling pain (another mom's account of her breastfeeding struggles and how she overcame them) as shes latching on. it's not always the most comfortable at first, especially when my boobs are pretty full because its been a few hours since she last ate. we've been practicing the sandwich technique (how to)  and it has certainly been made the difference. when she's on the right way and has a deep enough latch its almost unnoticeable and just feels like  a weird tickle. i'm thankful that we're making progress in breaking our old/bad habits and moving forward. hysterical sidenote, the other day sofia was watching me feed laila on the couch. she unzips her footie pajama and is standing in front of me staring at laila. i ask her what's up. she replies "baby sissa eat me boobies too??" and she seemed completely ready to attempt to breastfeed her 3 week old sister. they seem to love each other so much already. i'm so happy about that, i hope that lasts.

onto my epic fail section of this post. i want to address two specific days basically to put it out there so i can look back and remember these days, as well as to share my mistakes in the land of supportive mommies, and share so other mommies know their bad/crazy/didn't go as planned days have some serious competition.

the first epic fail day was my first day home with the girls, when lovedove went back to work, and laila was a whopping 6 days old. laila had barely slept the night before (of course) and sofia was up early. by 8am i was completely exhausted and spent and then the 2 girls start crying in unison, i totally can't remember why. cue my phone ringing, its my mom. she asked me how my morning was going, and i struggle through the lump in my throat and explain how poorly laila and i had slept and she can hear my two daugthers crying. she tells me she'll be over at noon, and i start crying very quietly, as at that moment i had hoped that she would come sooner. she heard my desperation and said she'd skip the gym and get there sooner. i thank her, get off the phone, and feel like a failure of a mother on my first day home "alone". of course 20 minutes later, things were fine, i call my mom and tell her not to rush over, we're fine, but it was too late. she had already skipped her gym classes and would be coming earlier rather than later. it doesn't sound that terrible now as i write it, but for me it was a big deal. plus lovedove said that she feels like she remembers pretty much the same thing happening the first day i was home with sofia. isn't that crazy (if lovedove remembers correctly)? anyway fail #1.

fail #2 happened yesterday. sofia's monday playgroup session was cancelled bc the building's heat isn't working so i go to plan B and ask Gma if she'll come to long island with us to take sofia to the children's museum, while i run to pick up laila's birth certificate. she comes over around 10am, i had told her that i intended to leave around 11. i work on getting lunches packed, snacks, drinks, prepping the diaper bag, gathering the mail that has to go out, and dressing myself (not showered... i woke up today and realized that i forgot to shower even after we got home.. i hate that, it has definitely happened more than once). my mom dresses the girls, passes some comments about how its already 11:15, as if she had somewhere to be at any point in the day which she did not, and i start to really rush. we get in the car. fine. drive out to the museum. fine. i drop Gma and sofia at the door, realize that i forgot the bag of lunches i spent so much time on, tell them i'll be back in an hour, and park in the back corner of the parking lot to feed laila before i run any errands. my phone rings as soon as i park, its my mom, the museum is closed on mondays (no the parking lot was not empty as there is a community college right next door and that parking lot gets overflow on days the museum isn't open). on any other day i would turn the computer on and make sure the museum is open, that didn't happen and now this is happening. i tell my mom to walk to the back right corner of the parking lot and join me in the car bc im breastfeeding laila. 2 minutes later i call her to find out where she is, bc she is not in the car. she sounds panicked, as if im lying to her and have abandoned her in the cold with my hungry toddler. they finally find me and my mom shares her sandwich that she had brought from her house with the both of us. i finish feeding laila. i put the address of the village registrar in my phone. it says that its 20 minutes to get there. i kind of know its wrong but i start to follow the directions anyway. i pull over to double check the address a few minutes into my drive and it confirms the address im heading to. i get to the address, i know its wrong, its a park and a baseball field. i traveled to the address in another town. why my gps directed me to that address in another town, as opposed to the one i was in, i'll never know. why my phone did not list the multiple addresses in different towns the way it usually does, i dont know. why i didnt pay enough attention to what town i was driving to, no clue. epic fail. we went to's for lunch, we had a crazy mid 50's druggie for a waitress. it was comical enough to get us through the day. i was so embarrassed and irritated with myself. epic mom fail.

i have more to say, but im going to cut this post off here. another post will be up soon. ta ta ladies!