nice and quiet

(early in the day)
sofia is napping and its pretty much the calmest part of my day. the dog is also napping, sprawled out on the other couch. we had a lovely morning. sofia didn't want to dance today (we dance often after breakfast to assist the insulin in breaking down my sugars quickly so my blood sugar level doesn't spike), but we did play with her shape sorter. i was so impressed! we usually don't play with that toy together, but lovedove says they've been playing with it often lately. i was almost in tears to see her little brain working so hard to find the right place to put each shape. i cant believe how smart she is getting, its really insane to watch your children grow and develop.

i made my 6 week ultrasound appt today, and based on the dr's availability it looks like we'll be doing a 7 week ultrasound instead. this wait will most likely be unbearable for me since i'm a total nervous wreck. i've had some super duper light staining these past 2 mornings, that i wouldn't even have noticed if i wasn't completely paranoid and checking constantly. i know that spotting is normal for a large percentage of women who have perfectly healthy pregnancies, i would just prefer to not have any staining at all. im aware that this can be caused by several things, including sexy time, or more likely the 4xdaily suppositories im doing. i think as long as i only see it once a day and its very light i'll be able to not go insane. i just keep telling myself that my betas have been very good and if i'm not having any pain, then there really isn't any reason to worry (the no pain thing may or may not actually be any kind of indicator, ive read several things online). working on that staying calm thing i've been talking about lately, because really, if something goes wrong, God forbid, there isn't anything i can do about it. for now i just need to focus on being happy that im pregnant, it still sounds weird to me, and keeping my sugar in check. my nights have been better since i adjusted my hourly rates during sleep hours and im waking up in better range, which makes me very happy.

one small sidenote about my betas... the thought has entered my brain more than once that the numbers are kind of high. not the highest numbers in the world, but high enough that they seem on-track-ish with twin betas. wouldn't that be the most ironic thing in the world if i had intentionally only transferred one blast and wound up with identical twins? and if i did have twins, its pretty much a guarantee that i'd have twin boys, because im kind of hoping for another girl (we have sooo many lightly used girl clothes, i'd love to be able to use them again) and we have a hard time with boys names. can you imagine? whatever is meant for us is meant for us, but at this point in time i'm hoping for just one, healthy little embie to stick and grow to be a healthy baby.

(afternoon)
went to my regular endocrinologist today. she upped my synt.hroid to 100mcgs from 75mcgs. didnt have much to say other than congrats. i've read enough in books and online about pregnancy and diabetes that i pretty much knew everything she said to me. my next appt with her isnt until july, which seems really far away. whatever, i dont need any additional appts to worry about, if she thinks its fine to wait 8 weeks to see me, then it probably is right?

i was crampy for a few minutes today, about an hour ago. i keep telling myself its nothing, im just very in tune with my body. i've always been able to feel myself ovulate, i guess i just am very sensitive about when things are going on in my body. i just feel so unsure. so many of the blogs i read chronicle difficulty getting pregnant, and ive come across a few where the ladies have problems staying pregnant. im so petrified that something will go wrong. i wish i didn't feel this way. i dont want to be worried( like a psychopath) for the next 9 months.

anyway i have to get ready for work, blah, but at least thats a few good hours where i'm not thinking about myself. i really feel like it is the best job in the world for forgetting your own issues for a while. plus i just remembered that i ordered girl scout cookies from one of my 10 year old clients. i should get them today :o)



qotd 28
Have you ever done something non-traditional to help you conceive?

i think IVF/ICSI is pretty non-traditional. i've said before how i never thought that i'd get to the point where i was in need of services like that. i still can't believe that i did all of that. really life? im pregnant now because i did ivf with icsi which means i did an egg retrieval and single blastocyst transfer? its very very strange. i still feel like the whole process was some kind of weird dream.

i also believe that eating pineapple helps to conceive.

beta #2

beta today was 1204, 72 hours after the first one which means the doubling time is 40.77 hours. pretty sure thats right on target according to BetaBase.info. ive been feeling fine, its odd that people are asking me the way they ask "real" pregnant women. the embryo is the size of a sesame seed according to my new pregnancy app. im starting to feel more excited everyday, but im still crazy paranoid about something going wrong. lovedove keeps telling me to relax and enjoy the moment, so ill keep working on that.

dr said everything seems good so far, said to schedule the 6 week sono in about 2 weeks for "any time you want". he seems pretty open as far as availability, so ill call tomorrow to try to schedule it. wondering what will work out best for us as our schedules are opposite, and the only day we have time together is friday afternoons. i would hate for either one of us to have to miss more work. whatever, ill figure that out tomorrow.

also have an appt with my regular endocrinologist to address my thyroid medication. she knew i was ttc and said to come in as soon as i got preggers. so thats tomorrow. i almost feel like a fraud but the numbers dont lie!

qotd 27
what is the nursery currently being used for?
right now the nursery is Sofia's room. in a year or so it will be the kids' room. craaaaazy.

the results are in

my dr just called and im still shaking.

im at 11dp5dt, which is 16dpo, and my beta is 354.

next beta is scheduled for monday, please God let this embie keep growing!  Dr. said the things look "very good", thats about all i could ask for.

Happy Mothers Day to me! f*ck yea! I cant believe it. I'm so happy right now.

now, to decide how to handle info sharing with all of my IRL people. think we have to tell the grandmas, maybe not the grandpas yet, certainly the 2 aunties. anyone who reads this blog will know (maybe 5 of my close friends) and im not sure what to do about the rest of them. whatever, will talk to lovedove when she gets home.  any suggestions ladies??

im truly over the fucking moon right now. i cried my eyes out (briefly). im finally pregnant. i cant believe it.

yay for this wave of bfps for everyone, what a blessed mothers day it will be.

yipee!!!!

(according to internet calculators, im "4 weeks 2 days" pregnant. who? me? YES ME! HOORAY!!!!)


disclaimer: despite my over-excitement, i am still very much aware of how "early in the game" it is. ill keep praying for  all of us, so pray for me too!