3dpiui

so its super early in the game this cycle. pretty much just beginning my 2ww. feelin normal as usual, trying not to think about having to wait to test. ive also decided that I WILL NOT test before im late for my period. ive tortured myself enough in the past 2 cycles. its really unnecessary. especially last time with the faint positives only to wind up not pregnant.

weird thing happened yesterday. my sugar was out of control. and when i say out of control, i mean even for a person who has loose control over their diabetes. i have no idea what the f was up. i went high after breakfast, egg w salsa and yogurt with pineapple. bolused, walked around brooklyn for a bit. still high, did a crapload of insulin and waited 30  minutes before eating my lunch, nothing. still high as a kite. i was high all day until about 9pm. my highest blood sugar yesterday was 371. i havent been over 250 in about 6 months for even one hour, nevermind several hours over 350. i have no idea wtf happened, but my body just would not breakdown the sugars. i was so insulin resistant for all of those hours and i have no idea why. it was so frustrating. luckily the night was fine, no hypos or hypers. just stayed in healthy range. woke up at 83. hoping i stay in range today.

anyway... happily continuing to read other people's success stories. trying to stay optimistic. i keep telling myself that math is on my side this cycle. at this point ive done 5 iuis so if the success rate is approx 20% then i should be in the running more than usual. (im completely aware that is not the way to apply the 20% success rate to multiple iuis, but i dont care). staying positive and getting on with my days.

wishing i knew of other type 1s tcc. we seem to be such a small subgroup. and as ive already stated, im pretty sure im the only lesbian type 1 diabetic tcc(clearly i know im not actually the only one, it just feels like it). im definitely the only one writing about it. wishing more ladies would start sharing their stories.

ill just keep reading everyone's stories anyway.

my a_s hurts

but only on the right side. that was the side we picked for the hcg (trigger) intramuscular injection. that side got it as a punishment for letting things go wrong with the endometriosis, which caused the blocked right fallopian tube. verall the injection was nearly painless, i almost couldnt believe it. but today, im sure it was done in the right place. my wife was kind enough to give me a kiss before she administered the injection. i think she was more scared that i was. it was a funny ordeal. today i just have some constant but pretty mild soreness.

with that being said, we did our first of two iuis this morning. tomorrow is the next one. really trying to think positive and force fate to coincide with my plans this cycle, but we all know we cant force anything here. with my wife and baby at my side, Gail at Long Island IVF worked her magic again with a speedy insemination. did i mention how much i fell in love with her during our december tries? she did both inseminations and she ran the cold metal speculum under warm water for a few seconds. what a difference!

silly me trying to sit down and type a post while Sofia is up. shes currently emptying her dresser drawers. thank you hunny.

so anyway crossing my fingers and toes that this cycle will be the one. happy friday and happy weekend everyone.

officially in the 2ww

yesterday morning i had my second iui and unfortunately, none of the family was available to accompany me to the insemination (i feel like there is a very fine line between going to something like that alone and feeling empowered/independent, and feeling lonely). i just took Sofia who managed to keep me quite busy and challenged through the 45 minute wait for the thaw, but when it came down to procedure time, she sat in her stroller like a champ, downed a bottle, and slowly but surely threw everything i had left on her lap to busy her to the floor. whatever. i was happy (but not surprised) that she was good , and i was pretty relaxed. between just laying still and trying not to think, and talking to her to keep her happy, i felt calm. that really really is my goal this time around. just stay calm. theres no point in getting all worked up until we know where we're at. and we wont know anything until 2 weeks from now. who created this system? there should definitely be a faster way to find out lol. without a doubt ill be busy, baking xmas cookies, wrapping all of the presents, putting together sofia's kitchen for xmas morning (!! we're so excited to be santa :oD), and running around town, but geez i feel like this is going to be a long one.

maybe ill try to crochet sofia a new winter hat. she already has a million of them, but a home-made one by momma would be sweet too no? my mother just bought her a hat crocheted specifically to fit her little head, that looks like a lamb. its really really cute. i should take a picture and get it on here. its really cute, and i wish that i had the drive + time to learn how to crochet that well and make a business out of it. maybe one day....

anyway, im off to do dishes as usual. crossing my fingers that the next two weeks goes by very quickly (although i dont want to rush through the xmas season, i friggin love xmas) and that i get the answer i want this time.

happy holidays to all!!

clomid and ovidrel and (iui)s, oh my!

well. today is technically cd 13, but other than that not sure what to call today. i had done my day 10 + 11 bloods and ultrasounds on sat and sunday, and they called early sunday afternoon (while i was tailgating at the Jets game)to tell me i should come in tomorrow morning for my first iui. usually i would be thrilled and just say "yes maam, what time should i be in" however, monday dec 12 was to be a more significant day. i officially finished the adoption of our daugther yesterday. now i am legally her mother absolutely everywhere we will ever go. im so relieved to have this process over with. but you can imagine my panic when they called me. im in the middle of drinking a beer, in a crowded parking lot, with music blaring and people yelling and playing football, and me standing as far as possible from everyone trying to figure out how this was going to work. i asked if i could come in later than the 730-800am window the woman gave me bc our court appearance was scheduled for 9am. she said " no dont worry, just do the ovidrel shot in the evening on the 12th, and come in on the 13th for your first iui". of course this wasnt good enough for me bc i was not familiar with the woman who i was speaking to. i called back and asked to speak with one of the PA's who had done my iui in october and who had done my 2 sonograms over the weekend. she is one of the sweetest, calmest, nicest people i have ever met and she put my worries to rest. so i agreed to the original plan. and with that i grabbed another beer lol.

so this morning, with my mother and my daughter in tow, we headed out to long island ivf. i had brought my mom to just watch the baby while i had my procedure done. i wanted the baby there, kind of for luck, but kind of as a way of having my wife there with me. she was unable to take the day off and i just needed a part of her there. so once the procedure was done and i was giving myself 5 minutes to relax i kind of did just that. i relaxed. i didnt feel sad that my wife wasnt there (although clearly i would prefer her to be there) and i didnt do much of anything. i didnt do much visualization. i did some deep breathing. i thought of how much i am in love with my family as it is right now, and how wonderful it would be to be able to bring another bundle of joy into our lives. and then, honestly, i just imagined myself lying on my back in the grass, in the park, in the middle of a brisk spring time afternoon (just as the light panels above suggested). i felt at peace. i was so much calmer this morning than i was in october. as devastating as a failure would be, im so much less scared of it this time because ive been through it already. sure it would suck, but at least we have more sperm. i've been really working on letting go of any false sense of control that i thought was possible to have in this situation and for now i feel peaceful, which is a huge surprise to me. but im happy to be feeling this way. and im hopeful. and tomorrow i get to go in for a 2nd iui because none of the follicles had burst yet. going back tomorrow will jst remind me of my wife's successful one and only iui attempt bc she was also inseminated twice, in december, just two years ago.

so on we go, on to an alcohol-free holiday season (hopefully, but if not ill know by new years whether or not im in the clear for "some" champagne).

ill keep my fingers crossed and a smile on my face and in my heart, and if its meant to be this time, then its meant to be. and if not, ill just keep on going with my family by my side.

who doesnt love a roller coaster ride once in a while?

actively TTC

cant believe im here already.....sooooo... yesterday I had my first IUI. the doctors had called on weds (2 days ago) to say that my bloods showed that my LH was surging on its own and I didnt need to do the ovidrel injection. they made my appointment for 8am yesterday morning.

arrived on time and signed in. in a few minutes was called in to verify the number on the vial of sperm they were going to thaw. 20-25 minute wait for the thaw. then off to room #1 to empty my bladder and undress from the waist down. ive heard that so often lately lol.

within a few minutes a polite knock on the door from the PA who would do the insemination. luckily it was the woman we liked who had done my wife's insemination the first time. she was so lovely. explained everything that she was going to do. so nice. so friendly. made the experience wonderful. or as wonderful as a cold metal speculum can be lol. for me that was the worst part. barely felt anything else. she told me i had a good amount of CM which sounded like a good thing. she explained the process for insemination and she was done in less than 2 minutes. super fast!

when she left the room, i laid on the table and my wife held my hand. we both were pretty emotional. so much at stake, odds of success 20% at best which isnt bad, but a hard reality to acknowledge, not sure what the next steps will be if we're unsuccessful with this attempt. will i ovulate on the correct (left) side next month? should i have the procedure done to open my right fallopian tube to increase my chances/be able to try more often? really trying to keep all of these questions out of my head but id be a liar if i said they weren't there.

so now im just trying to be relaxed. called in the troops, one of her Grandmas, to come over and play so that I can just relax a bit. the nice insemination lady had said that if it was possible to take it easy and not lift my 20+ lb infant for the next 36-48 hours it might be beneficial. so just going to try to take it easy today. going to try not to stalk too many ttc websites that list the earliest possible pregnancy symptoms. although i kind of have a hard time relating to those bc i know exactly when i got inseminated. at this point im 2dpo(days past ovulation) but I only got inseminated yesterday. so im hoping to feel some twinges or slight senstion in the next two days and im hoping that will mean the hopefully fertilized egg will implant itself. im thinking positive, but i feel like if i put it in writing on here ill somehow jinx myself.

ive worked hard to get here. my body is ready. my mind is ready, and i deserve this.

we've got a busy weekend planned and i better find a way to fill my non-work hours next week. dont think ill be able to test until 10/30 with an ept (early pregnancy test) so have to stay busy!

hoping for symptoms and success!