names are permanent. they're hard to pick/agree on. you want the child to feel special and not like one of 4 so-and-sos in their class.
part of me still wants to name her what we had planned. it's such a weird thing. would people think that we just copied the name from our friend's sister? would she have changed her future baby's name if i gave birth first? is it wrong if we give her a name that someone in our circle (though it's a large circle) just used 4/5 months earlier?
my heart doesnt want to change her name. i love her name. but i cant help but wonder if this happened for a reason. actually, i can, but lovedove cant. im super upset, which seems stupid to be upset when im almost halfway through my diabetic pregnancy and there aren't any issues to date. does a name really matter? yes and no. it's got to be special to you, it's got to be something you can live with, does it make a child any less healthy or unique if you have to change it even before they're born? of course not.
ug, my heart is a little broken, and i feel like a huge asshole because i reacted really selfishly to this, and still haven't been like, "oh wonderful! another healthy baby girl born to someone in my circle!". clearly tomorrow ill feel that way, as im glad she's here safely and will be happy to welcome her to our world, but i just feel like my heart is going to break every time i hear someone say her name, because that is the name that i wanted, and i never in a million years, thought that someone might take it before us. it's pretty uncommon, i didn't know anyone who had that name ever in my whole life, and i really really liked that.
its stupid but it feels like the death of a dream for me as a parent. i wonder if this is how my mom felt when i told her i was a lesbian*(i told her i was bisexual, i had
nothing like having a non-health related curve ball thrown into your pregnancy 3 days before the 20 week sono. well, fingers crossed that baby is still a she after thursday.
sigh.
I just wrote a post on names and how tough it is. I say go for it - you love the name for a reason, and it will be YOUR daughter's name. We just had someone born with "our" name in our circle of friends and we are on the fence about whether it changes things. Easy enough for me to say keep it, and I understand that it can be heartbreaking. Good luck.
ReplyDeleteI think I mentioned in a previous post that Scout's ex husband and his now wife had a baby last year and they used the name we wanted to use if we had a girl. I was livid because it was my nan's name and was quite significant for me given I was very close to her and she's not around anymore. Because this baby is a step sister to our two girls it would be alittle weird to give them another sister with the same name. I was pretty annoyed about the whole thing for a long time afterward but think I've finally gotten over it now. Fortunately we weren't 5 months pregnant with a girl at the time, otherwise pissed would be an understatement! If we ever get pregnant we're just hoping it's a boy so we don't have to think about it.
ReplyDeleteHmmm, we have a name in mind that is pretty uncommon, and although we are not officially set on it, we kind of are. If someone else used it first I would definitely be very annoyed. But I think I would still use it.
ReplyDeleteI posted about this last year (http://doorsareopening.wordpress.com/2011/02/28/baby-names-question-of-the-week-moment/) and even with a baby now, I don't know what I would do.
ReplyDeleteI do wonder how close you / your circle of friends is to the friend's sister. How often will you see the child / do you think the child will come up in conversation?
I didn't have any names that I was dead set on, but if I did, I think I would go ahead and use it unless an immediate relative used it. It might make some people upset and they might think you "stole" it... but this isn't second grade recess (though the recess-like behaviors could make a girl think twice for sure!)