a long one

this post is going to start out very ranty in regards to our lgbt family and the hoops we have to jump through. you've been warned.

to start on a good note, our home visit with the social worker (Lori of NY Home Study) was last week and everything was fine. we worked with lori the first time around for sofia's adoption and she was lovely (and slightly socially awkward) then, and is still lovely now. it was a very quick visit, done in an hour, she had most of the needed information from the intake she did last time, and we just updated her on my journey to pregnancy and any changes in the last few years. she even did well with disa (she's not a dog person). i think she gives off a very calm and uninterested energy which works well around our pup. then she mentioned another mommy couple who live nearby who gave birth to a baby girl the day after laila was born. since then she's given us each other's emails and we've contacted each other, which is super lovely, as we only know one other lady couple with a baby. i'm glad that the home visit was as simple as it should be, even though its a hoop i wish we didn't have to jump through. PS i want to do that job one day, and what i really want to happen is for me to contact her in a few years when im ready to work FT again and i want her to say "sure i'll take you under my wing, i'm getting too busy anyway". boom. we'll see how i feel in 6 years.

next hoop, the birth certificate. with sofia it was no problem. she was technically born in queens, so thats in the city of ny. the birth certificate system at the hospital was equipped with the tools needed to give us the standard birth certificate with both mommies listed and this it what it pretty much looked like.

this time around, with laila being born in nassau county (long island NY) things are much different. i went to the office to retrieve her birth certificate bc they had taken so long to mail it, plus i wanted to double check that everything was correct. i get there and the woman hands me this.

my reaction: wtf is this? that doesnt look like an official birth record, it looks like something i created on my laptop at home. i don't want my kid going through life with a weird birth certificate that doesn't look legit.
she explains that this is her official copy of her birth certificate. their system is not equipped to put two mothers on a birth certificate with whatever system they use, or something like that i was only half listening bc i was angry. tells me i should complain, gives me a number to the office of vital records to call and they might be able to help get a copy on certificate/safety paper. i call the number, get transferred to a man named Jim. i explain the situation.he tells me he is going to look into it (calls the office i was just at) and calls me back. explains that its the village registrar's fault and i should complain to them as my daughter "deserves" a birth certificate that looks like everyone else's, thanks Jim. Jim is very understanding of why i feel this is an injustice to laila/our family, and explains there is a standard $35 fee to get a copy printed on the special (typical) paper. i ask if there is a way to waive that fee in this situation, he says he'll look into it. he calls me back (again - we spoke a total of 3 times which i think is amazing in a very good way) and says i can expect a phone call from a mr. higher-up-director-guy who should be "very accomodating". I thank Jim for his help and understanding. a few hours later i get a call from said director, who states he will be happy to waive the fee. he emails me the form, i'm to complete it and return it to him, and presto we'll have a pretty birth certificate for laila without incurring any kind of fee.

i could not believe how quickly the situation was handled and how understanding and efficient these gentlemen were. it was unbelievably simple. i didn't have to get angry, or yell at anyone to get something done. incredible. people doing their jobs well. very rare these days. so thankful. i'll prob complain to the registrar to be an advocate for future lgbt families, no family should have to "fight" for a regular birth certificate. that was all pretty silly that all of that was necessary.

here's my last rant. we got a bill from the hospital for a pediatrician that saw laila, presumably when she was in the nicu. the bill is for $550. my insurance company sent me $57 to cover the cost of this out of network provider. i'm not paying the remaining fee. why in the world would a hospital assign a dr to a child who did not take their insurance? when was i supposed to direct the hospital staff to only have my newborn be seen by a dr that takes my insurance? when i had 5 minutes with her before she was carted off? when i was strapped to the bed bc i had hemorrhaged and was receiving a blood transfusion that prevented me from getting to her in the nicu? maybe i should have pinned a note on the blanket that she was wrapped in that said "in network dr's only please". she did not need a specialist of any kind, she had no issues, all she needed was a pediatrician, and you give her a dr that is out of network. how does that make sense? and i do not want to hear that there was only one pediatrician on at that time. i dont buy that for a second. so i left a message for the billing office yesterday, of course no call back yet. they're either reducing that crap or waiving it. they expect me to pay nearly $500 for a visit with a dr that i did not even see tend to my daughter, or speak to in any way form or fashion? nope. not happening. i hope its not as ugly as im expecting.

onto happier things. i lovingly refer to laila as the poop shooter when changing her diaper, although she's more of a pee-r who strikes by surprise, i do enjoy the challenge of changing her without an incident. she starting to smile more often which is awesome, since she makes a bunch of crazy faces and not all of them are that cute. she had her one month check up yesterday and the dr says she is doing well. she gained 25 ozs in the last 21 days and is now 8 lbs. i feel really proud that i know that all of the weight she has put on is due to me/our breastfeeding. whenever i think about how my body created every little feature on her and functioning organs and every little hair on her head i start to cry. i know half of it is the hormones, but the other half is just how amazing babies are. she is the most amazing little person, and i cant wait for her to chub up some more and get even cuter.

next.. to celebrate my birthday we did dinner at a traditional tiny italian restaurant with my parents and grandma (wednesday),  and then we went out for dinner on friday with betsys parents, grandma, and sister. on friday night i had decided to take the night off from breastfeeding, and did, and i drank a bunch of wine. it was lovely, i got a little drunk, very relaxed and very happy. it was an early dinner considering sofia's bedtime is around 7:30, so we were home early, and i continued the wine party until i went to bed. before i went to bed my boobs were already getting engorged/painful. i had given laila 2 bottles of half formula/half (prepumped) breastmilk and things seemed fine on her end. she woke up 2 hours after we went to bed, my buzz was totally gone, i was already laying in a puddle of breastmilk, i was still in pain and i decided to feed her. it was fine but more painful than usual and my flow seemed pretty fast since she seemed to have a rough time keeping up and coughed more than usual while she ate. then she spit up like crazy. eventually we got back to bed. she woke up again a few hours later which is very atypical. she wakes up 1 time each night, usually around 4. when she woke up the second time, we had the same experience. leaky hurty boobs, aggressive eater baby, spit up. i'm assuming the massive spit up was due to some remaining formula in her belly, but the false feeling of being hungry bc thats her routine. who knows. it was fine, but i felt massively guilty in the morning. we all slept like crap, it was not an easy night feeding wise, and i just felt bad about it overall. i promised her i wouldn't do it again, though lovedove said i was making a much bigger deal than i needed to. as much as i miss and enjoy drinking a bunch, this experience did not make me want to take another night off any time soon. next time, whenever that is, i'll have to pump&dump, or shower and express some by hand before i go to bed, or do something to ease the discomfort for all involved. im learning.

i need to end this post bc its super long. i'll just write about my favorite thing about sofia this week and be done. again, her vocabulary is increasing like crazy and she said the word "appointment" last week. i was telling her that laila and i would be going to see the doctor, and she said "baby sissa have appointment?". i couldn't believe my ears. shes such a riot, and a little smart ass. today she said "actually momma thats me coat" when i was trying to fix the zipper that was stuck. who the hell is this kid  (and why does she think im going to steal her coat)? she's our kid, thats who. couldn't be more proud to be her momma.

man oh man i am one lucky lady.