it seriously is today, and i like a good hard summer rain, but im already feeling lonely and gloomy and not so spunky. eh enough about the weather.
my wife and my daughter are still on vacation. we've been on two vacations in the last month which has been wonderful. we visited the dominican republic for a friend's wedding and were there for about 3.5 days, and then we were home for a week, followed by a trip out to california to visit my wife's extended family. aunts uncles cousins and grandma. i was able to be out there with them for a week and it was really great. very relaxing, beautiful weather, and minimal stress. i flew in on the red eye tuesday and was in my bed trying to catch a few zzz's before i had to be back at work at 10. worked tues and weds. disa's oncology appt was thursday. it went very well, he thinks she's pretty much in the clear, we just have to be very watchful over her for new growths, lumps, bumps, so i couldnt have been happier. that must have been why i partied the way i did on thursday night. friday i was recovering for most of the day, and then had some friends over for a very funny and calm friday night. saturday was a friend's baby shower, which was hard to go to alone, but i was really glad i went. didnt do anything last night, havent done anything yet today. its been hard for me to get through this week without them which is why ive tried to keep myself so busy and occupied. i am actually looking forward to going back to our "normal"/non-vacation life. isnt that odd? but its so true. so now i've just got to get through today and tomorrow and they should be arriving home tomorrow night. i cant wait to hold them both.
coming back to reality has reminded me of all of my health shit. im really tired of dealing with it already. and not the diabetes or the thyroid issues. im pretty angry about this cyst. its the last thing we need right now and throws a pretty big wrench into our plans.
i've gone for two transvaginal sonograms and it seems like i have one large cyst thats about 7cm in diameter. i havent met with the doctor again (yet) but im assuming that ill need surgery to have it removed. I dont really care about having the surgery done. i mean im certainly not excited about it, and of course im a little scared, especially bc i am afraid of how long he'll tell me i have to wait for my body to recover before even starting to try to conceive. i just want to get this roadblock out of my way. its hard to stay positive when it seems like everything is working against the plan you have. and your smart realistic sense talking wife isn't right next to you to tell you to relax. im aware of the phrase "you plan and God laughs". i mean i guess its the truth, but we're big time planners. this whole cyst thing was not in the plan, potential surgery is not in the plan, recovery time is not in the plan. im kind of in a funk today and it feels pretty crappy.
its weird that i thought i would have all of this fun stuff to do, watch shows my wife doesnt like watching, party like a bachelor, etc, and i did party and have a good time, but when im by myself, nothing is really satisfying. like i could watch some tv, but its just so much less enjoyable by yourself. theres no one to talk to, except the dog, and i can only talk to the dog so much. im not a reader. i dont feel motivated to actually do anything productive. im just grumpy without my ladies. ::sigh:: cant wait to see them tomorrow. hoping the rest of today and tomorrow go by quickly.
maybe ill have better news the next time i write. fingers crossed....
