good news and other news

well the good news is baby's echocardiogram went very well, well enough for the doctor to say "well this is just a sonogram, and i'm not God, but i don't see anything concerning here. her heart looks beautiful". music to my ears. i did get one really nice picture of her profile to take home (which i'll post at some point) and the whole sonogram took less than an hour. im thankful that baby girl decided to cooperate a little more than she did last time, though they did have me tossing and turning on the table a bit.

i get home, eat lunch, get ready for work, normal. lovedove gets home, changes into comfy clothes, and like a responsible adult, plays the messages on our answering machine. cue the other news. my dr is leaving me a hesitant message about calling her. she is not hesitant in any way, ever, so i knew something was up with the heart tests i had on monday. i call her back and she tells me "the results of your ekc and echo are just not what im used to seeing", not what you want to hear from the chief of obstetrics who specializes in managing pregnancies where the mothers have other medical conditions. i have no idea what she saw or what is concerning her, she didn't say, but i know that i had 2 ekgs about a year ago that showed nothing concerning, so i was totally blindsided. she wants me to see one of their cardiologists and asks me "what are you in the mood for, thorough or hip/young?" i ask her who she'd prefer me to see and see says the thorough doctor. i call cardiology, the next available appt with him is in november. i explain i've been referred by dr chief of obstetrics, and they call me back in the morning with an appointment in 3 weeks.

i'm glad that i dont have to wait 2 months to figure out whats going on with my heart, but i'm not going to lie, this crap makes me pretty nervous. i dont know whats worse, blindly googling about what could be wrong, or if she had told me what she was concerned about and then i could googl.e the issue specifically.

i am so so so so so soooooooooooooo thankful that baby's heart is the one without any issues, i really do prefer it to be an issue with me, but this scares me. honestly my heart was the last thing i was worried about in this pregnancy. i consider myself to be moderately heart healthy, when im not pregnant i stay involved in athletic leagues and stuff like that. i dont eat a ton of crappy food. i keep up with sofia. what gives? whatever, im hoping its nothing. i keep telling myself that if it was something big i would have noticed something, but then i think, "well i have been fatigued", "i do get a little winded when i go up the stairs to my room at the office"  - but so do any of my slightly meaty-er clients. trying to tell myself that everything is fine, whats the point of worrying now. if there is worrying to be done, i'll do it later. if only i could mean that. ug, i hate being a worrier! i've never been like this before.

other heart thoughts i've been having lately... everyone has a heart, and thats what keeps them alive every day. i totally forget that inside of every body, is a beating heart. i think about it a lot with sofia, and i always tell lovedove that i am in awe of her that she created a perfect healthy little person, but i dont think about it with anybody else in my life other than lovedove and sofia. like my mom, my 92 year old grandma, our receptionist at work, every client i see, every dog i see, me. its crazy to me that i forget, but i kind of think everyone does. hearts are amazing. they're just a muscle, but its the one you really need to work in order to live.

anyway, thats all. according to me im 22w2d, according to my dr ill be 22w on sunday. we're getting there.. slowly but surely. wishing everyone a great weekend.