un/believable

27 days until my induction date.
6 more work days, broken up, last day isn't until 1/3 but still.
4 more weekends.
less than 1 month.

its unbelievable (to me) and completely believable simultaneously. i feel like this is such an odd point in my life. i'm almost "over" being pregnant, and i never really wanted to get there, but in addition to my impatience, im more and more uncomfortable day by day, with new (temporary - thank God) pains every day. lately i'm struggling with tailbone pain (which is the spine pain i keep mentioning, not sure why i didn't remember that the word tailbone existed). i'm starting to run low on tight shirts that fit my belly, since about half of the maternity clothes we have are shrinking due to this being their 2nd round of use. this means i'll have to turn to the more tenty, feminine shirts that will just billow out over my growing belly. i'm not the girliest girl by any means so im often hesitant to jump into the items i bought for lovedove when she was prego. i feel huge which is a good and bad thing. i like being obviously pregnant, but its rough. my belly now points in the direction of my last step which is think is hysterical. im tired (understatement). she's getting big and heavy and higher so she messes with my lungs sometimes. i hit my belly into everything. im super clumsy. i'm slower than in my prepregnancy days, and i have been known to move pret-ty slow at times. pregnant lesbian "problems", i know, shut up amy.

also unbelievable. the ny jets. they're fucking terrible and i still watch them lose painfully almost every week.

unbelievable to me that i'll go to 39 weeks. i don't think this baby is staying in here that long, again, not sure why i feel that way, it may just be wishful thinking. i keep saying i'll take her any time after christmas. not too early little lady, please, but i wouldn't mind if you made your debut before the 13th.

we did a lot of prep for baby this weekend. set up the cosleeper, minus attaching it to the bed, did the new baby laundry, got the infant car seat and bases out, made photo copies of important docs for the hospital (copy of our marriage license, health care proxy, etc). today i bought a pair of slippers for the hospital and my mom gave me a new pair of very soft pajamas for the hospital. lovedove has been urging me to let us go on a tiny shopping trip to look for pjs/comfy clothes that will be easy for me to breastfeed in. i've not been the most receptive to her advice, which is bitchy, but i think i was just being defensive and not wanting to be told how to do something, bc it will be my own learning experience. i apologized for that today and lovedove expressed that it just feels like im pushing her away when i do that. she's just trying to help me. i need to just accept her help and stop being.. whatever im being. i also think lovedove is a little anxious to be on the other end of this. i almost think its more nerve wracking to be the non pregnant one when it comes down to the countdown for, and the big day itself.

so lovedove doesn't feel well, im praying she doesn't get sick/er than she felt today. sofia also seems to be battling something lately, but we think its just 2 yr molar/teething stuff.. hard to tell though. the weather has been ridiculous, its been 60 degrees more than once this month. its december. that doesn't make sense. i think its messing with everyone's ability to stay healthy.

today is monday, so i was back at my regular appt for a nst and sono. back in the recliner, no prob with baby's movements, she was jumping around a lot. my dr happened to be around, took a look at my heart monitor strip, said "beautiful baby" based on the record. sono was also fine with the doctor reviewing the images calling her perfect. i'm glad she looks so good on paper, i hope she comes out as perfectly healthy as she seems. its almost unbelievable to me that my pregnancy has been so issue-less, im so thankful though. i cant wait to get the estimate of what she weighs this week on thurs.

and finally the most unbelievable of all. friday's massacre of 20 1st graders and 6 school staff in a small town in connecticut about 90 minutes from here. it was beyond difficult to hear about, i tried to shield myself from the details at first. then, like everyone else, we were glued to our tv's trying to learn details and make some kind of sense out of an unfathomable act. then their names emerged, then their pictures. its absolutely heart wrenching. i can not imagine the pain of being any closer than 90 minutes away and being completely unconnected to the victims. my wife is a teacher. i'd like to work in a school one day. my daughters will be in a first grade classroom one day. all i can do is shake my head and sigh. its so scary.

we need more gun control. we need more access to mental health services for those in need. we need so much change. what we don't need is more angels.