one of my grandma's favorite things to say to us when we were little. specifically when it was snowing outside, and we had just come in from playing, so we were like little icicles. she would take us in to the tiny boiler room where the washer and dryer are, so clearly it was always warm in that little room, and change us from our cold and wet snow clothes into warm comfy inside clothes. as she got us all warmed up, she'd always say "remember the moment". she also said this at several other times, but that memory is the most prominent.
she called me yesterday to see how i was feeling because she heard about my swollen ankles, a new development, and though she was reassuring and encouraging that i was almost done being pregnant, i couldn't help but hear her words from when we were little. i feel like i've been pushing so far and so fast to the end of this pregnancy journey throughout it's entirety. now that my days are numbered, and i'm more than ready to meet this baby, i'm trying to remind myself to just be present and make memories about how it feels to be pregnant. i know i'll miss her movements once she's born. i know i'll probably miss the hiccups that i've grown tired of. i think what i'll miss most are her morning movements. they always reassure me that things have been fine overnight and she's still growing big and strong until she makes her debut. on that same note, i feel like every morning when i wake up i think "::sigh:: i'm STILL pregnant", its a thankful sigh, but also a lets-get-this-show-on-the-road-already sigh.
its also very weird to know how far along i am, and to know that she technically could come today, or any day in the next 2 weeks. going to talk about induction timing tomorrow when i see my doctor. though we all know i don't really want to be induced, if they are going to induce me anyway i would rather have it be on my preferred timing. the nurse that deals with diabetic moms is typically only in from mon-fri and i'd like her to be available to be around while im in labor, so i might ask if my dr will schedule the induction for next thurs or fri. who knows, im not sure what my doctor will think about that, especially since the nurse told me (when she called to check in with me on monday) that my doctor had spoken to her about the 14th or 15th. what would be the big deal with 5 days earlier? if my dr says ok to the 10/11th that would be awesome, if she says yes pending an amnio, i might just wait. totally not sure what this will wind up being, no one can be, its just odd to have so much information bc i'm monitored so closely and everything still seems to be up in the air.
just like the jealousy i experienced when other women were getting pregnant and i was not, i've been experiencing the same thing with friends having their babies. a friend who's due date was about a week before mine had her baby last week, and i felt like i had lost a race. what race? totally a dumb thought, but i feel so ready for this little angel and a new reason to smile. its been so hard around here lately. sofia has been dealing pretty well, but there is no doubt she's feeling the tension, lack of a schedule, and anxiety. she's been our main source of smiles lately, but its also easy to be short tempered with her at times like this.
working on my level of patience with her, everyone, everything. trying to just be... and hold onto the last few moments of the we-only-have-one-(human)kid chapter of our lives.
It's such a juggling act to try to be in the moment and to try and be grateful for it and to also try to accept all the other feelings that you might be having! I already cannot quite remember what it was like to be pregnant, what it was like to feel kicks and have K so close... and that's okay because there are so many new in-the-moment things... but it's hard because I enjoyed that time so much.
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