milk+boobs

breastfeeding. it has been rough. my nipples have been sore more than they've not been. not sure if we're having a latching issue.maybe she's not latching on exactly where she should be, like she's not hitting a bullseye?? or maybe she's not latching as deeply as she should be. but sometimes she gets so mad that i dont even care where/how she latches that im just glad she's not yelling at me anymore. i mean i never let her stay on if i'm experiencing discomfort for more than 30 seconds, but i think that first 30 second pain is something a friend recently referred to as "lightning boob". i'm not sure if this is something that a lot of nursing moms experience, or if it's something that moms-that-aren't-as-good-at-breastfeeding-as-they-think-they-are experience. yes i realize i might be in this group.

however, i'm confident that laila is getting what she needs from me. she eats well, is usually able to focus on the task at hand, and wants to eat often. sometimes its an hour between feedings, sometimes its 4.5 hours. i actually set an alarm every night to wake me up to wake her up to eat. i know its kind of a (grandma's) rule not to wake a sleeping baby, but i've never really paid attention to that one. with sofia i always took a you're-on-my-schedule approach, if i needed to go to a dr appt, meet someone for lunch, etc. i never seriously messed with her schedule, if she needed one of her needs met, hunger/diaper change/etc, i tended to her needs. however if it was a matter of her napping in her crib and i needed to get out, i would just transfer her to her car seat, were i was pretty confident she would continue napping, which she usually did. laila will most likely face the same fate. anyway, so i have to wake her up to eat in the middle of the night. i do not want to see how long she can actually go without eating. i'm too afraid she'd wake up crazy starving and literally ruin my breasts with her crazy eating. she gets kind of aggressive. she's tried several times to ferociously nurse on several female family members and friends much to their surprise. its always funny to me.

i think my milk is continuing to come in more and more with the frequency of her feedings. due to my sore nipples, pumping is scary for me right now, plus she hardly ever gives me any time to pump bc on some days she eats almost constantly. for example, this morning she ate at 7:30, 8:30, 9:30, and 10:30 before taking a long leisurely nap on the couch in the sunshine. at this moment it's 12:12 and i know my minutes are numbered until she's ready to eat again.

i've been concerned about starting to try to stockpile milk for her for when i return to work/have extended periods of time away from her/take a few hours off from feeding her to knock a couple drinks back (which im starting to really itch for). and since my nipples are scared of the pump when they're sore, i've ventured into the world of hand expressing milk. the woman who ran the breastfeeding class i attended in the hospital mentioned it and how to do it, but recently i looked into it via the world wide web. there are videos out there, but i have only read instructional articles at this point. i did some "expressing" yesterday, and then again today and i've gotten about 1.5 ozs so far. not a lot, but enough to be proud of, and enough for my nipples to be thankful that they didn't have to face the pump to get. i might not have gotten as much as i would have with the pump, but it was far more comfortable and didn't take any longer than a pumping session would. plus today i got a whole ounce after feeding laila all morning, so i felt really good about that. i feel like doing it by hand can help to get some of the hind milk from ducts further back in the breast that the pump just can't get to. plus its very rewarding when you find a good spot and your milk just flows(squirts) into the bottle. i've always been a fan of doing things with my hands, ie crafts,crocheting,attempting to fix things/car activities, so this is another thing to add to my activity list.

i keep hoping that my nipples will get less sore (during the latch) as time goes on, because once she's on things are fine. she's been on for the entire second half of this post and i haven't experience any discomfort, unless she tugs one way or another, little maniac. i guess ill just wait and see and if i continue to experience "lightning boob" during the latch, i might have to contact a lactation consultant. another thing on my to-do list that i would rather not address. 

anyway, we're only 3 weeks into breastfeeding, so i hope i can look back on this post later and say i've made progress in a few weeks. fingers crossed.....