Oy. Nerves.

So tomorrow morning is my first Pre-Pregnancy consultation at the North Shore Diabetes in Pregnancy Center. I am nervous to the point that I'm barely tired at all, and I need to actually get up early tomorrow to get to my appointment scheduled for 10am. Getting out of the house with a dressed, clean-diapered, safely strapped into her car seat child is not an easy task for me when I have a distinct time to be somewhere. I have always said that I like to be punctual because I hate waiting, but honestly I'm usually 5-10 minutes behind schedule, and that usual, has become slightly longer since Sofia arrived. So tomorrow will be a challenge no matter what.

My anxiety is "slightly" multiplied by the fact that my wife is unable to take the day off to accompany me to the appointment. Its really ok because in the long run, I'm going to need her to take any number of days off depending on how long it takes us to get pregnant this time around. I much rather have her miss my first consultation than one of my inseminations. Its just hard because we were literally together through every step of the process while we were planning baby #1, and I mean every step. I was at every single appointment. It helped that I was unemployed for the last half of her pregnancy which made me uber available, so I am just trying to adjust to the fact that I will most likely be attending a significant percentage of my appointments alone. Not that I'll really be alone, Sofia will be with me, and really I know that I have at least one close friend who would take a day off to accompany me if I needed someone's support. I think I've mentioned how I am excluding 98% of my family and friends from this process as I don't want everyone to know that we're trying, just in case we're not successful with the first few attempts. We plan to try 3 times, this september, october, and november, as we would like to time the baby's birth for the summer so that my wife will be off from work and can have tons of time to bond with the baby one s/he is born. Yea, we are really big planners.

Also, I've not yet printed out all of my blood sugar logs for the last month. And, my friggin eye doctor who I called Friday, was unable to complete the simple task of providing me with a general ophthalmology report by today. I was told on Friday that they would call me when the report was ready. Needless to say I hadn't heard back from them, and when I finally remembered this afternoon at work, it was too late for me to have any time to pick up the report prior to tomorrow's early appointment. Not my fault, trying to let it go. I can just get the record to the doctor next week when I go back to meet the director of the program.

I'm pretty anxious right now I'm not going to lie. My biggest fears about tomorrow include them telling me:
1- my A1C is too high and they won't work with me(at this time)/make a referral to the IVF doctor I plan on using
2- that they are going to set these crazy goals for me that I'll despise them for wanting me to stick to
3- any other possible bad news/reviews of my health.

I am well aware of the steps I'll need to take and I'm sure I'll be as crazy and strict as I need to be. I'm kind of not looking forward to having people look over my shoulder and judge me.

Well I feel a little better having gotten that all out. I'm going to try to fall asleep. I need to be up earlier than I prefer. Wishing myself good luck!