12 dpo, nothin but bfns

so like an impatient moron i began testing on 10 dpo. its only 12 dpo now, which is still a little early, but im losing hope and this is killing me a bit. its like torture, and i keep doing it to myself, day after day. but hey its my first go at this. if we're unsuccessful this time around, i certainly wont test so early next time. seeing a neg result on a prego test repeatedly blows. i thought that i would somehow be like my freak of nature wife who got pregnant on her first iui and had a bfp at 10 dpo. i guess thats bc our daughter is a little force of nature.

also, although the world of ttc blogs and forums is quite abundant, im feeling lonely. like really, there must be some other lesbian diabetic woman ttc though iui with only one "good" fallopian tube. where are you?? LOL come and share in my insanity while i torture myself instead of just waiting for my period due date, which is friday by the way. i was reading the app on my phone wrong for days thinking that i was due on tuesday. yea i should have realized the numbers/timing didnt make any sense. my head has been spinning, forgive me.

so its halloween today and the lil one is going to be a duckie. cant wait to get her into her costume. have to do a few errands which is annoying but i did take the evening off from work so i could spend it with the fam and see baby go trick or treating to the neighbors houses. its her first walking one, i didnt want to miss one second. hoping this week flies by.

i really just want to know if im + or really -. like im ok with whatever it is, clearly id prefer a + but whatever will be will be and im ok with that. we have more sperm, and we have time and thats really all we need. oh and a some luck, but you'd think we'd have some of that already no? we got angel #1 pretty easily, so i guess we cant be too greedy in taking up all of the luck.

anyway, if im really - (clearly im having a hard time believing that im not prego, i really think i am) ill probably be drinking a lot of alcohol until we try again lol. not that drinking is a healthy coping mechanism, but its one of my favorites.

anyway, keeping my fingers crossed even though my hope gets tinier every day, like they say in the ttc community, "you're not out until the old witch arrives". and by the old witch, they're talking about AF (Aunt Flo). yea im in love with all of the abbrevs too. eye roll. for anyone who has never seen all of the abbrevs from the ttc world, here's some help..... an extensive list