just need to vent

So yesterday, I get my regular phone call after a morning of bloods and a sono. The PA tells me that the follicle is mature enough, and we're getting close to being ready to inseminate. Then she asks if I've heard from the Diabetes in Pregnancy Center who had written me a "clearance letter" back in early June. In the clearance letter they recommended that I complete several additional steps, just to be sure I'm in tip top shape for pregnancy. These included getting an EKG done, doing a 24 hour urine collection(every friggin drop for an entire day), which was just as fun as it sounds, and meeting with their dietician. All of these things were completed within 6 weeks from the date of the letter June 2nd. The Diabetes in Pregnancy Center was supposed to write me a second "clearance letter" stating that I had completed these things, and that they were giving the green light for me to be inseminated. I called at least 3 times in the last week and a half nagging them for it but to no avail.

So yesterday I sprung into psycho mode. I called the office and demanded to speak with the nurse who had written the original letter, and who acted like it would take 3o seconds to write and it would be done in no time (when i had orginally called to request this second letter). She tells me that now the doctor wants to see my data from my PDM (personal diabetes manager - which is my remote control for my pump, as well as my meter) and asks when i can bring it in. I said tomorrow (which is today, bc it seems like the only day i have left if they plan to inseminate me tomorrow). Her reply is, well only Marie (director of the program) has that software on her computer and she might not be in tomorrow. At this point I'm fuming. I told her I would send her all of the information I could about the last three months. They have my A1C and my thyroid levels from my fertility specialist so I still have no idea why they were holding out. I sent them the 38 page log of the last three months' numbers, a histogram of when im in range, a little out of it, or way out of it (thanks to omnipod's nifty software - CoPilot) and a statistics sheet. Then the doctor calls me to make sure that the numbers i just provided him with are correct!! Who the fuck do you think im pricking all damn day? My dog? I was furious.

How dare these people question my honesty, after I'm doing every damn piece of legwork for this "project". I started this process 5 months ago to try to avoid last minute bullshit like this. Its not my fault you didnt ask for my numbers earlier, its not my fault you didnt do your job when i called you 3 times to request this letter. How fucking dare you almost put this ovulation cycle in jeopardy. Honestly. This is my fucking life, and if i could do all of this shit myself, BELIEVE ME I WOULD. I've really struggled with how difficult it is to keep all of my providers in contact. Can't someone throw me a fucking bone? Like can you just call eachother instead of contacting me to call the other one? Come on, I run after a toddler all day. I'm just so tired of planning, and other people not doing their jobs in a timely manner. Like the PA who i work with all of the time from my fertility place, was going to "check to make sure the specimens arrived" at their other location like a week ago. Never got around to doing it and told me yesterday she would call, and I said don't bother I called the other location last week to verify. If it was me, would I wait until 3 days before an insemination to check to make sure someone's magic baby juice was where it was supposed to be? God no. I'm a social worker for Christ's sake, and people need stupid shit from me all of the time like letters verifying that they go to weekly therapy and I do that shit in a timely fashion.

so frustrated, wishing that i could just do it all myself. its hard to go through all of this.... planning, other people holding you up, other people giving you "permission" to try to get pregnant. it just makes me so jealous of the straights. even though baby making can be stressful if you run into problems, like you get to hop in the sack, get some good lovin, and hope for the best if you time it right. no one tells them if they cant if their health isnt at its best. (which i understand why i need to be monitored and such but its really hard to put yourself in a position where other people are the boss of your reproductive rights). and the straights just get to try and try and try, no money spent, no wasted effort, no wasted time synchronizing paperwork, fielding phone calls between multiple providers, etc. ::SIGH::

anyway, got that out of my system, now onto calmer and more positive thinking. gonna go lay with the dog on the couch and pray that baby naps for a bit.