gearing up for cycle #2

the biggest task on my to-do list today is ordering more sperm to be shipped to our fertility place. We only have 4 vials left to be shipped, and the PA recommended that we ship 3 of those 4. We have one left over from the first attempt because we only inseminated on one day, so with the next three, we should have enough for at least the next two attempts. and hopefully one of those attempts will be successful. it kind of stresses me out because i would really like our children to be half siblings biologically. i dont think our donor is "producing" any longer, so if we run out of sperm prior to deciding that we're done adding children to our family, we'd have to find another donor. clearly this wouldnt be the worst thing in the world, God knows theres plenty of sperm out there for purchase, but again it would be something that we did not plan on having to think about. like everyone says... we plan and God laughs. (you can substitute God with Life, Fate, whatever you want if you dont like the G word)

its really difficult for me to balance my hopes of conceiving and my wife's immediate success, with all of the ttc blogs, stories, etc that ive read about how some women try for years. im not going to lie, im pretty intimidated by how grand the scheme of "ttc" can be in terms of time. for me i just feel like i need this to happen like right now. i dont want to have to have my diabetes in such tight control all of the time. dont get me wrong, my a1c is the best its ever been since ive been diagnosed, but im working really hard for that. i feel like ive gotten so strict with myself and staying on top of my cgm readings, timing my insulin boluses, and waiting to eat, im feeling burdened. but what i need to keep telling myself is that its all preparation for whenever the right baby wants to come along to us. im just like, the worst wait-er in the world. i mean im a lot better at delaying gratification than i was when i was younger, clearly ive grown and matured, but i guess i still have quite a ways to go.

off to make a very important phone call and complete the rest of my housewife duties.