no such luck

well, we had opted for another month of a natural cycle for november. we really had no intention of utilizing fertility drugs, but it looks like its our next option. i was curious (and hopeful) to see if the cyst that had been on my ovary had damaged my right ovary badly enough that I would only produce mature follicles/ovulate from my left side. this natural cycle has proved that this is not the case. hence, this month is shot. thanks to my CD 11 & 12 endovaginal sonograms, we were able to see that the follicle on my right side (blocked fallopian tube side) was almost twice the size of the follicle on my left side. so with minimal chance of my left fallopian tube picking up the mature follicle from my right side, and my decision to not "waste" the sperm on a very small chance of success based on the circumstances, we're skipping November. this is absolutely the last thing we wanted to do because this is the last month in our original "window"/timeframe.

we're both crushed, but I'm a little more at ease. I feel like this month long break will give me the time i need to really get into a positive head space, not that hosting Thanksgiving for 16 helps. mind you we have a 2 bedroom apartment and the living space is not the largest. we've hosted for the last 5 years and this will be our 6th time. oh and since we have a 14-month old, we're completely behind schedule this year and .. yea.. completely unprepared at this point. oh well, we'll pull it together, we always do.

so we've decided that I'm going to go on Clomid for the December cycle in the hopes that i will have a greater chance of developing a mature follicle on the left side. the doctor said they like to do Clomid for three months straight, and if there isn't any success in that time period, they like to sit down at the end of that three months and talk about more aggressive options. i sure hope im pregnant in 3 months because I dont know how much longer I can do this. i mean ill do it as long as i have to, but this blows emotionally. i have no idea how women who have been ttc for years do this. im simply not cut out for this.

i had asked my PA about Clomid earlier this month, but I think i was scared away. im petrified of the idea of multiples, especially because my mother is a twin (fraternal), but it seems that Clomid only has a chance of twins in 5-10% of cases, and thats with the woman having two fully functional fallopian tubes. so my fears are pretty much eased there. my other fear was that ill produce too many follicles and then we'll have to skip the month to avoid multiples, which would defeat the purpose of taking the Clomid. but at this point, having to skip this month and waste time, we feel like these are risks we need to take,  but i have so many thoughts/emotions about all of this. am i being too impatient? am i pushing my luck? should i not be looking to fertility meds already? ive only been through one cycle thusfar, but i just want this so badly, like yesterday. my clock has been ticking loud and clear since my wife gave birth to our daugther. i want to do this, now.

so hopefully the next few weeks fly. and then,  just about 2 weeks before christmas, we can try again. funny sidenote, my wife got pregnant from her december insemination in 2009. my insemination date is a week after hers (or so it seems by my Fertility Friend mobile app) and since they usually deliver babies of diabetic women 2 weeks prior to the 40 week due date, if we were successful our babies would have birthdays one week apart. i would love that because that would mean only one joint birthday party to plan a year.

fingers crossed, yet again, that time flies, and we're successful soon. happy holidays!