15w1d

like everyone else at 15 weeks, my pre-prego bottoms dont fit. ive had it with bell.a bands so i've given up on them unless there is an outfit i insist on wearing to the point that they are my only option to wear that/those item(s), which does not happen often. i feel like my belly is growing, and i guess it is, but i still feel like im constantly holding my stomach muscles tight(ish) constantly. when i let my belly out completely i think i look pregnant. there is something in my head that is stopping me from just letting my belly relax at all times. i just realized that sitting here, typing with my computer on my lap, im still doing it. i guess i've always been self conscious about my belly anyway as its always been my "problem area" so that is prob the reason behind it. i think that is also the reason behind my refusal to take belly pictures up until this point. i still havent taken any, i feel like i should, i think i might regret not doing it, but i might have too many issues to actually be able to do it until my belly is like, large and clearly very pregnant. there is also a part of my brain that says "dont seem like you're trying too hard to look pregnant, you're not that far along". i told lovedove about that thought, and she was baffled by the thought of trying to look pregnant. it does not make much sense, but thats my weird brain for ya.

the dog. disa has been diagnosed with addison's disease. i had never heard of it until now, if you're interested there is a good deal of info here. long story short, its an adrenal gland issue, which seems to have been the cause of all of our pup's health issues in the last few months. we took her in to the doctor's office on monday bc she was having trouble getting up off of the floor/staying balanced while walking, clearly not typical for her or any other 6 yr old dog. we had a great vet (there are several at our local place) and he listened pretty well to the changes we had observed in her. after blood tests, and an abdominal sonogram, he put the pieces together, and they added up to addison's. more than anything else, we'll be monitoring her every move more closely and shelling out a hell of a lot more money for her care for the rest of her life, but supposedly she can live a long healthy life with this disease. she'll be on oral meds daily (forever), monthly shots (forever), and will need an expensive blood test to evaluate the levels of her dosages 2-4 times per year. overall, im thrilled that we didn't find more cancer, and im glad that the doc thinks that she's got at least another 5-6 years with us. i friggin love this dog, she is our first baby, and truly, blowing through money is a small price to pay to keep her with us. she's an amazing part of our family and i was completely distraught before we knew what was going on. i.love.our.dog. omg. so much. as i type sofia is throwing one of disa's toys at her, trying to get her to play. she has not recovered to the point that shes ready to play yet, i cant wait till they run around this apt together again.

this weekend is my cousin's wedding in philadelphia, followed by our NJ vacation with my parents and some relatives. disa will be staying with my MiL, or rather, my MiL will be staying here, to avoid having to made disa go up and down her stairs repeatedly (our apt is a walk in/1st fl). then on the following monday when im 16w5d, we'll be getting our next sono, and maybe we'll get to see if this baby is a boy or a girl. 3 people have said boy based on nothing but a gut feeling, my guess is girl based on the chinese gender thingie, my cravings for "sweets" rather than spicy (usually im a very spicy person), and my thoughts about our family in the future. i always just picture us with 2 girls. oh, and i had a dream where i gave birth to a baby girl, and no one said she was cute. people could not stop talking about how beautiful sofia was from the moment she was born, she looked like a doll. i was a little disappointed that i had a not so cute baby, but i didnt care. im pretty sure she was healthy. (im going to post my dreams post today, i swear)

im feeling fine, still tired, but fine. i keep getting "you look so good" and my response thought is always "well im pregnant not dealthy ill", but i respond verbally with "thank you". im still kind of worried constantly about baby, i kind of wish i had a doppler. i hope things are fine. my boobs are less troublesome/sore each day, but i think they're getting bigger still. speaking of breasts, my mother asked me the other day (as many other women have lately) if i am going to breastfeed. yes, i am, to which my mother responds with "ew". this then makes me furious and i want to tell her that im a "sick" individual with attention issues and an infertile past, due to her refusal to breastfeed. i dont actually think about blaming her for my health crap ever, until she says garbage about how gross breastfeeding is.

sofia's godmother (lovedove's sister) is visiting this week so we've been spending tons of family time which is lovely. sofia is kind of bratty after a while to both of her aunties, we're still not sure why, its annoying to watch. i dont like when shes bratty. i also feel like shes increasing in her level of spoiled-ness, as that tends to spike when we see family for extended periods of time. between this visit, family vacation #1 with my fam, and family vacation #2 in august with lovedove's fam, im kind of worried about how much de-spoiling we'll need to do after her birthday in the beginning of september. yea, the terrible 2s are officially around the corner.

anyway, thats enough for now, hope everyone is feeling good, and im loving the new belly photos that are popping up on so many of your blogs :o)