Monday, May 7, 2012


mr.sof.tee did obey my mental command last night and i was thrilled to have my Chocolate Merlin for dessert. it was fabulous. my wave of super tiredness passed and i was able to stay up until our regular bedtime at 11, which was good because i would have hated to miss Mad Men.

im starting to lose my mind with all of these faux symptoms. not that ive had that many, but when i think about it, it seems like a lot. ive certainly had many feelings/twinges in the last week in the ute/ovary areas, some brief periods of very slight cramping, fatigue, mood shifts, increased appetite, and now i feel like im starting to break out with these tiny non-pimple bumps on my forehead/face and thats super abnormal for me. so maybe these do add up to a significant number of faux symptoms. its hard not to feel like they all mean something. i keep telling myself that im still on progesterone and estrogen and that this is all probably nothing, not because i want to be pessimistic about the situation, i just don't want to get my own hopes up if we're just going to wind up with another negative. trying to stay in the "hope for the best, prepare for the worst" mindset. oh God how i wish this time would be the time. its getting hard not to test, but i know that if i dont stick to my guns about not testing until at least wednesday ill be shooting myself in the foot. as slow as time seems to go when you won't poas, time essentially stops once you have, no matter what result you receive. at least thats how it feels for me.

speaking of the time, big congrats to Lex. im hoping that her bfp starts off a wave of bfps for the rest of us.

oh, quick question. one of my great uncles passed away over the weekend. we were not super close (maybe i saw him once or twice a year for most of my life, he always lived far away), but he was a lovely jolly generous man. he passed away from a heart attack at 80. i wasn't that upset to hear about his passing. is that wrong? i feel like he lived a good life, enjoyed successes, lived well, and didn't suffer a long and drawn out battle with any major disease at the end of his life. i almost feel like, what more could you ask for? my mom is devastated bc he was her favorite uncle, i feel really bad that she's so upset. but what can you do? old people die, we all will, and new babies have to  be born. in fact, that is exactly where my mind went when i heard he passed, which i feel terrible about. i thought, this is just life, family members pass and new family members will be born, and hopefully the next new family member will be my baby. who knows.

qotd 21
5 guilty pleasures
1. junk food. ring dings, candy bars, cheese doodles (JAX - omg)
2. alcohol - vodka in particular. i feel like a  rockstar when i drink vodka and lovedove HATES me when i drink vodka bc i get particularly obnoxious
3. mary j (very rarely prior to ttc, never now, but i do still have feelings for her)
4. LMN. i almost feel like if you dont know what that means i wont tell you, i will anyway. its Life.time Movie Network. occasionally lovedove and i will watch a super terrible movie on that channel. i feel like once in a while you need to watch a really crappy made for tv movie with terrible actors so that you can appreciate good acting in other shows/movies. plus its hysterical to laugh at movies with terrible plot lines.
5. home shopping channels/infomercials. i kind of love them and i always have.

1 comment:

  1. I think hope for the best, prepare for the worst is exactly the place to be, but it's awfully hard to dwell there when you are having symptoms and noticing things!

    I don't think it's a bad thing to not be super upset. There are deaths that I've been fairly okay with and deaths that have been much harder and sometimes there is little rhyme or reason.

    Re: the vodka, I recently learned that different kinds of alcohol cause different kinds of drunkenness because of the amount of filtering that occurs. So wine tends to make happy drunks and less filtered hard liquors tend to make angry drunks. Hopefully you won't be any kind of drunk for the next ten months!