almost 6 weeks

so im getting there, slowly, slowly. tomorrow i'll be 6 weeks officially, but all of the calculators have me a day ahead (claiming that today im 6 weeks... liars). my gums are a little swollen today which is new. mild fatigue continues, super smelling continues, falling asleep fast continues, oh, and the feeling of fullness started yesterday. i dont think its as noticeable today, but i guess thats because yesterday was the first time i felt it. im also getting those annoying sore at the site pimples here and there. ive only had 2  that id consider that annoying but im wondering what pregnancy will do to my skin. currently i have one on my shoulder thats pretty annoying. whatever.

here in ny its pretty gloomy and supposedly its going to stay gloomy pretty much all week. to make matters worse im stuck in the house until the fedex guy comes to bring me round 2 of my suppositories and baby aspirin. at least its not raining today, not that i mind the rain, i love a good downpour (and can not wait until its warm enough for sofia and i to run around in the rain in the summer)i just dont love the gray hue of the day when its crappy out. i would really like for the guy to come at like.. um.. 11:45, which will hopefully be right when sofia is waking up from her nap and then id like to head out to grab some fruits and veggies and visit my mom for lunch.

my sugars have been pretty steady which im really thrilled about/thankful for bc i have a fucking conniption every time im above 180 for more than like 30 minutes. peanut butter or pb products have seemed to be the culprit each time ive had a problem. since pb is a protein it slows the absorption of sugar into the bloodsteam, which is usually good (prevents spiking* a very fast rise in blood sugar) but it can also delay the rise of blood sugar so that the active time of your insulin may expire before all of the sugars are broken down. its just hard. i feel like if anything goes wrong a way we dont want it to, im going to blame myself. how could i not?  as a diabetic controlling your blood sugar is an annoying and constant job and you dont always have control over what happens. the weight of knowing that if your sugars aren't on point while your baby's major organs are developing is just so much to take in and deal with. i think that things are going well, i try to hang out under 100 most of the time and not to go over 160 when i eat. im doing pretty well with a few difficulties here and there. im just trying to take it day by day, hour by hour.

did i mention that i can not wait to get to this sonogram next week? by that point, according to my calculations ill be 7w1d so im really interested to see what the lentil (not sure how im going to refer to embie over the long haul yet) measures in at. clearly im hoping that all is well and there is a detectable heart beat, spinal pole etc. im kind of dragging my feet on finding an ob, but i just dont feel like its necessary until i see that things are going well on the sonogram. i know it will be kind of late to be finding/meeting with an ob for the first time at 7/8 weeks, but ive been under the close care of my RE this whole time and ive already visited my regular endocrinologist. plus the further along i am in the first trimester, the less they'll be able to scare me with the percentages and statistics about things that go wrong early. im hoping my RE has a nearby recommendation, if not, lovedove did find an all female practice not far from here. sounds right up my alley, only ladies in my alley from here on out, badum ching! oh man, thats the other thing. ive almost completely lost my filter as far as what comes out of my mouth. after my mother-in-laws concert on sunday, lovedove, her pops, and i were waiting outside for mom-in-law. lovedove's dad said something about me having bad taste in something, i cant remember what it was in reference to, but this pregnant genius come back with "we have the same taste in women so i wouldnt be judging my taste in anything". ps lovedove's parents are divorced but still very friendly towards each other. needless to say my little joke wasn't met with any laughing, and overall it was simply awkward. i felt bad about it later. it was just weird weird weird. i usually think odd things but manage to keep them from escaping my mouth. i wonder where that symptom will take me. i hope i dont wind up as the mayor of i-say-really-awkward-things-and-constantly-alienate-those-around-me town. God help me.

i love the blog world, but sometimes i wish i didn't read as much sad/unfortunate stuff as i do. it only makes me crazy. i know as a now pregnant woman that i should just be aware that things like this happen, and in turn be extra super thankful to be preggers, but it just makes me worry so much about what might go wrong.  im just so ready for this baby, i want him/her to stick around and bake for as long as is needed/doable, and then be born a healthy baby. i still rely on my little mantra to keep me calm sometimes and im glad that i started doing that as early as i did. i do actually think it helps.

anyway, crossing my fingers for the ladies trying/testing this week, and hoping that all you pregos are feeling good!